British Meme because I can't be bothered with real content.

[apolla]

Don't know when I'll finally post about Robert Plant last week... I'm off to see the Dubliners tomorrow night, so I shan't be around.

THE FUCKING DUBLINERS, BABY!

Bold the things you have done...

Waited for forty minutes in the rain for a bus and then two come at once.

Fought someone bodily for the last packet of butterscotch Angel Delight in the convenience store. I echo Emony on the 'convenience store' thing. Supermarket or corner shop, but never convenience store. I mean aside from anything, are they ever actually convenient?

Failed to find Last of the Summer Wine at all amusing. Or indeed, to have any point whatsoever.

Danced with delight the morning after a general election. I don't think so. They're all the same lying bastards.

Shouted at Radio 4.

Bought Marks & Spencer's underwear. Like Emony, I am also wearing some currently. If you're not rich enough to afford Agent Provocateur but not too Chav to buy Miss Selfridges or New Look knicks, you wear the M&S.

Made bubble and squeak. Have eaten it though.

Complained about the weather. The British are capable of stringing out an entire DAY's worth of conversation at work out based solely on weather.

Stood in the doorway or by the window gazing out at rain/snow/hail as though it were a new phenomenon. Although I tend to go out in it. Weather holds no fear for me.

Tried to use a public loo and been forced to walk out again and cross your legs till you got home due to sheer disgustingness of same.

Had a Hornby train set. Oh, how I wanted one once.

Said 'ah well, mustn't grumble'. I actually said this only yesterday, but as I was quoting random lyrics from 'Lazy Sunday' by the Small Faces, I'm not sure it counts.

Honestly believed that Marmite is an actual foodstuff. Marmite is not food. In fact, I'm fairly sure it's some sort of Satanic bodily secretion. Lucifer's got to make money somehow too.

Thought that cider was a girlie drink and only realised the error the day after, when that whole hideous karaoke striptease incident comes flooding back and you realise you're wearing someone else's pants. Actually, I can do better than that. I was six or seven when we were on holiday and my mum bought some cider locally. I didn't know it was alcoholic, and I don't think she realised how much of it I drank. I didn't get drunk but I was like "WTF?"

Made Heath Robinson-esque sculptures out of Meccano.

Used leaf tea, warmed the teapot, and put the milk in last. well, I've watched it be done in a special chinese tea teapot. Does that count?

Been taken to 'The Nutcracker' as a Christmas treat.

Taken ballet lessons.

Been to a panto. God love panto season- how else are entertainment has-beens meant to afford Crimbo presents for their little kiddies?

Read Noddy books as a child. Read them, loved them. God love Noddy, Big Ears and all the Toytown crew.

Had riding lessons. Sorry, I'm a working class-end of the middle class Briton.

Watched 'Blue Peter' twice a week, every week, for at least five years. Fucking hated every minute of Blue Peter. Too middle class for me. If I saw any of it, I was waiting for Neighbours.

Know that 'Dr Who' had an existence prior to his incarnation as Tom Baker. Of course I knew, but I never liked the Doctor much. Sylvester McCoy was my generation's Doctor, anyway.

Consider 'Blake's 7' the apotheosis of British TV science fiction.

Had nits. I managed to spend my entire childhood free of headlice... and then I became a young leader for a Brownie group and got them twice.

Seen a performance by Morris Dancers. I can do better than that: I've done Morris dancing myself... at Hatfield House. My old headteacher at primary school ran a Morris dancing club for us at school and took us to the thing they used to hold at Elizabeth I's childhood home. And interestingly, Hatfield House was used as Lara Croft's house in the Tomb Raider movies. More interestingly than that, I worked for three whole days in the cafe there.

Been to the Glastonbury festival. And if the fucking thing gets any more corporate, I never will.

Said 'bollocks' a lot. I can use the word bollocks in ways most of you can only dream of.

Played on an old Second World War bombsite as a child. Strictly speaking, that is true: the playground opposite my grandad's was all bombed out, as was the site of the Barbican. So yes I have, but it wasn't a bombsite anymore. My dad played on it when it was a bombsite, though.

Had a father/grandfather who fought in the War but never talked about it. He talks about it in terms of where he went (North Africa, Italy, Croatia) but not in anything deeper. He's not one of those 'gung-ho, best years of me life!' sorts.

Know that the Second World War started in 1939, not 1941. Anyone who doesn't is just a fucking idiot. Sorry, but it's not difficult.

Have parents/grandparents who remember the Blitz and rationing. My mum was born in 1951, and she remembers the end of sweeties being rationed, I believe. My dad remembers the last few years of the terrible London smog and rationing, too.

Been hunt sabbing. I presume sabbing means something to do with sabotage? I wouldn't bother either way.

Played in a children's playground floored with SOLID CONCRETE! Yes of course. We were just told not to crack our heads open. I still find those squishy rubber floors a great novelty.

Been stuck on the Tube for more than 20 minutes for no reason that is ever divulged to anyone. Last week on the way to the Albert Hall, everyone in Green Park tube station including me and Emily were forced to evacuate the station. I still don't know why.

Gone Christmas shopping in Harrods/Selfridges. If shopping means 'looking and not buying', sure. Neither are what they used to be.

Bought the Big Issue.

Given old clothes/books/stuff to Oxfam.

Been to France on a school trip. Several times. In year 8 to the South of France for watersports, in year 9 to Normandy, in year 11 for the battlefields of Belgium and France, and in Year 12, we passed through on the way to Eastern Europe. Those last few trips also included drinking, which was amusing.

Made a crown for a nativity play with old-style Rowntree's Fruit Gums.

Made anything from a Blue Peter programme. (Bonus points if you attempted the comedy Christmas Wreath using M&S food bags.) Blue Fucking Peter Fucking Sucks.

Carry an umbrella for more than three hundred days a year. I have an umbrella, but I'm one of those Foolhardy Britons, who gets totally soaked in the rain, with a coat if you're lucky, and who doesn't care.

Had a parent who stood, most embarrassingly, for local council elections.

Managed to live in the UK but not visit all of its constituent counties. Well, there are quite a few counties. If you mean countries, still no. I've driven through many of the counties of England, I've been to Wales... but I've not got as far as Scotland, despite living in Sunderland for a year- you can't really get much further north than Tyne & Wear without being in Scotland. And much as I'd love to go, I've not made it to N. Ireland yet... but I'm afraid I emotionally attach N. Ireland to Ireland.

Been to a foreign supermarket and stocked up on Nutella to a ludicrous extent. Sort of. My mum used to buy me jars of Milky Way spread when she went on her day trips to France. I'd eat it straight out of the jar with a spoon. Also, on the aforementioned school trips to France, I'd buy big bottles of Coke or Pepsi and stuff like Iced Gems instead of eating the always terrible food on offer at our 'hotels'.

Been on a booze cruise to Calais. Well, when we were small, my mum & dad used to take us on those day trips to Boulougne (or however it's spelled) rather than Calais. I hated them. I hate France. I also hate Paris. I'm sure French people are nice, but I hate their country, and mostly because I nearly got run over when I was 6 years old on a day trip to Boulougne. Never let it be said I don't harbour grudges. My mum and dad do the booze cruise thing regularly, so they can get the hard to find white version of some famous red wine. 

Holidayed at the seaside every year and caught crabs in rockpools. Nearly every year, at different places. Dunno what kids' fascinations with crabs in rockpools is, but we all had it. One year in Wales I got obsessed with finding chunks of quartz. So obsessed I forgot to catch the crab things and so obsessed I even forgot the time honoured tradition of Digging A Big Hole In The Sand.

Consider 'Europe' a foreign country. Er... continent, perhaps. Foreign power, almost. As long as they've got different money to us, I suppose it is.

Were christened CofE, but have never been to church except for weddings, christenings and funerals. Sorry, I'm Catholic, and I was made to go to church every naffing week until I was about 18.

Had a Sindy doll. Old Pedigree ones, new Hasbro ones of all kinds. Lots of Barbies, lots of Sindys. My favourite though, is a 1987-style Sindy called Jessica Wakefield. I think I passed 100 dolls a few  years back, but they're up in the attic and I don't remember how many there are.

Remember 'Marathon', 'Opal Fruits', 'Jif' and 'Oil of Ulay'. Actually, just the other week someone at work asked me to buy a Marathon bar when I went down the corner shop. He checked himself, but I knew what he meant. I also remember the ill-fated attempt to re-named Coco Pops to Choco Krispies. I'm sure it was my personal boycott of the cereal that makes the milk chocolately that made them switch back.

Consider fish 'n' chips a basic food staple, not a Quaint British Novelty. Well, I always have battered sausage, but yeah.

Had curry sauce on your chips. A horrible Northern tradition I have no intention of doing a second time.

Don't celebrate St Patrick's Day. Still less call him 'St Pat', 'St Paddy' or, as I have seen today, 'St Patty'. Right, ranty time. Patty is a girl's name. Pat is passable for a bloke, but not St. Patrick. Also, there's more to being Irish than St fucking Patrick's Day. There's more to St Patrick than us being given a day to drink ourselves silly. The British do not need a reason to do that, after all.

Never say "gotten" Even in my Sweet Valley High-reading heyday, when I started writing 'math' on my maths exercise books, I never got down with 'gotten'. Or 'I'll write you'. I'll write TO you.

Harbour fond memories for the Beano and Dandy Although strangely, I never got the weekly comics, but pored over the annuals. I even had a brief fondness for Bunty annuals when I was about 8. Didn't last.

Was a Brownie and then a Girl Guide Damn right I was. I even got the Baden-Powell Trefoil. Then I was a Young Leader and a Ranger Guide, and if I finally call kate, I'll become a proper leader.

Watched Hetty Wainthrope the first time it was shown and thought little Geoffrey was sweet.

Remember Kathy Gale (Honor Blackman) in the Avengers. Well, I know that she was an Avenger. You know, she was in a Bond movie, as was Diana Rigg. So was Joanna Lumley, so all the Avengers girls have been Bond girls. Bond even married Diana's character.

Get ALL the jokes in Monty Python Even the ones that aren't actually funny. It's not the fucking be all and end all of British comedy. Ronnie Barker's output (when not with Ronnie Corbett) is a thousand times funnier.

In addition:

Remember the days when 'Top of the Pops' could make or break a popstar.

Travelled from one end of the country (let's say England) to the other in one day and called it a long but do-able journey.

Used a racist term and then paused, waiting for someone to come arrest you for being un-PC.

Cried when we lost the World Cup in football Please don't remind me. When Gareth Southgate missed at Euro 96, I stormed out into our back garden and started kicking me football against the back wall. When questioned, I said through a haze of unshed tears, that I was practicing to put right the grievous wrong. Of course, I'm a shit footballer and a girl, so I'm not really eligible... but still.