The Madness and The Triumph...
Friday, 2 January 2004 04:19![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apollaI could twat about wishing everyone a Happy New Year, but frankly I've got better things to talk about:
First off, I saw today Channel 4's 100 Worst Pop Songs which unlike last week's 100 Greatest Musicals was pretty much spot on. Even though I adore Paul McCartney and the Frog Chorus' 'We All Stand Together' I can understand why most people want to destroy every copy of that particular record.
I love this country for only a few reasons and all of them were shown to me tonight during this programme. Our unending supply of put-downs and our ability to stand up and say 'yeah, I bought that record at the time, but it's really fucking shit, innit?' are two of them. Our ability to make such records is less good, but I have to say a lot of the list were European in origin. This means either:
A. We hate Europe, especially their cacky music.
B. Europeans just make shit music.
I'm not sure which it is, to be honest.
Also, it's good to know that not everyone gets sucked into the pop scams foisted upon us, and that most people manage to wake up to it eventually. And just to prove my unending good taste, I don't think there were any songs I sat there and thought 'HOW could that be on the list, you bastards?'
It also informed me that the former editor of Kerrang! magazine is now apparently the editor in chief for my beloved and adored MOJO... which is odd cos I remember him being on Never Mind the Buzzcocks and being ever so slighty a bit of a knob. But he was pretty cool on Worst Songs, so I shall forgive him and hope he doesn't fuck up my favourite magazine. Can't get any worse than the time they put Gomez on the cover I guess.
Basically, during the 100 Worst Songs, I laughed harder than I have since... well, the Christmas Never Mind the Buzzcocks, which was admittedly only last Sunday. And as I thought about some truly terrible songs that weren't on the list, I was reminded of something from Pirates of the Caribbean:
Commodore Norrington: You are the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Captain Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.
No publicity is bad publicity, savvy?
That said... I did catch a bit of Vh1's 100 Sexiest Stars the other day. I didn't see much of the show- I saw the reminder bit that told us that Robert Plant was at 54 and Jim Morrison at 53 and I saw that Britney and Kylie were at 2 and 1. This wouldn't be so annoying if I didn't know the results of American Vh1's poll of the same thing.
So yes, it's time for one of those posts by Clare. Long and rantsome, probably without much point and written at 3am. So don't say I haven't warned you.
Basically, I am sick and tired of the dire bollocks that has for too long passed itself off as rock and pop music and worse, the stuff that has passed itself off as 'sexy'. In reality it's safe, shite and anodyne.
Do you know how far back in time I've had to go to find genuinely sexy rock stars that shook the world? I'll give you a clue: the youngest of them is a full thirty three years older than me (Philip Lynott, btw). Another is a year older and his band broke up before I was even born. Another died eleven years before I was born. You think I like having dead heroes? You think it's my thing? It really isn't that at all. I would love to have heroes I could look up to now but the fact is the last time that happened I was seven years old and it was Jason Donovan. Me liking the Darkness a bit is very strange for me because they're now. It's got to the point that I don't even have the same conception of time as most people- you guys probably think thirty years ago was a long time ago, but to me it's not at all. In fact it's not until we're back in the twenties that I really get that it was a long time ago. That we're now entering the 100th year since Bing Crosby was born blows my mind, man. When we get to 1909 (Nancy will know why) I'll probably go insane.
I'm so getting off the point. My point concerns both the British and American results of the 100 Sexiest polls and what seems to be 'sexy' in today's music world.
Once upon a time, a bloke needed to have long hair, a pout and a pair of trousers tighter than social mores allowed. This is true of Elvis, the four Beatles, the Stones and on to the Doors and Led Zeppelin to name just a few of my favourites.
More than that, they needed to rock, for it is that rocking that makes them truly sexy and truly irresistible. Mick Jagger is not a good looking man in the traditional sense, but you watch him in his Jumpin Jack Flash prime and I defy you to remain totally unmoved. If you do remain totally unimpressed (and I wouldn't really blame you) try looking over his shoulder to the bloke with long black hair and probably a cigarette in his mouth. If the Jagger doesn't get you, the Richards will or you're beyond my help.
But that's all gone now. Instead of rock colossi like Jagger and Plant, we have Justin and Robbie. Now, I'm sure that someone likes these guys (if only their mothers) but please don't lets pretend they're sexy. They are bland and dull and pre-packaged for the convenience of twelve year old girls who just need someone to project their hopes and dreams onto. Once upon a time girls could have that and good music.
Bland pop twits like Justin and Robbie have always been around, whether they're Pat Boone de-sexing Tutti Frutti (Dean Martin said of him once "When I shook his hand, my whole right side sobered up) or Cliff Richard just being totally sexless. Or the Monkees in the Sixties, the Osmonds (The NME once described 'Crazy Horses' as "Led Zeppelin for the under-fives") and David Cassidy for the Seventies or the aforementioned Jason Donovan for my generation of pre-pubescent music fans.
But, and this is a huge but (yet no so large as J.Lo or Beyonce's), there were alternatives. For every bland Monkee there was a Beatle or a Rolling Stone, for every Osmond who transfixed nine year olds, there was a longhaired Zeppelin or Who bloke waiting to seduce their older sisters. That's perhaps as it should be. I think the music industry is right that little girls need unthreatening prettyboys to fall in love with. I think that little girls do need them so that they can pretend, they can daydream and their heroes are unlikely to shatter that dream before they can fall out of love. I get why little girls fell in love with the insanely androgynous Hanson brothers even if I think they're blind, deaf, mad or all three. See, I had mine in the form of Jason. But, and again, this is an important but, we had alternatives once we grew up a bit.
Except that I didn't until I went back in time a few decades. In the 90s the closest there were to 'sexy rock stars' were monobrowed, monobraincelled Oasis and the Essex twats Blur who were so rock and roll they got invited to Downing Street by Mr Blair.
Don't the music people get that we need our dangerous sexy boys? We need the Morrisons and Jaggers and Bowies of this world so that the older girls can act out rebellion without actually having to find some greasy monster. The threat is enough most of the time. The fear our mothers have that we might bring home someone like that is enough, man! But we don't have that anymore. The closest this country's had to a rebel lately is Robbie Fucking Williams, who is at best, a dancer and mimer who used to do drugs. Big fucking whoop. What happened to the days when music could set the world alight?
I'll tell you what: Pop Idol. I'm not saying that this is the sole reason, but somewhere along the line, the music industry decided that it could just fob us off with inane bollocks. And they were right, because most of us did accept it and buy these horrible records. The music industry got lazy because we got lazy. I don't blame the industry for it- I blame us. Once upon a time we cared, once upon a time so many people bought singles that it would've needed everyone in the country to buy a record twice to get it to No. 1. Now it only takes half the people who were in Cream on last Saturday night and happened to hear some shitty fake dance music, or the couple of million who watched Pop Idol on any given Tuesday.
It is not good enough. I DEMAND for the quality, the meaning and the sex to be put back in Rock and Roll music because I will NOT watch another poll that puts Kylie at the top. If I have to do it myself, I will because when we get to the point that we have to look to men approaching/past sixty to find sexy idols, we need to re-evaluate.
Food for thought: Jimmy Page will be sixty in eight days. Just think about that. It wouldn't matter that our heroes were getting older if we had people to take their places.
First off, I saw today Channel 4's 100 Worst Pop Songs which unlike last week's 100 Greatest Musicals was pretty much spot on. Even though I adore Paul McCartney and the Frog Chorus' 'We All Stand Together' I can understand why most people want to destroy every copy of that particular record.
I love this country for only a few reasons and all of them were shown to me tonight during this programme. Our unending supply of put-downs and our ability to stand up and say 'yeah, I bought that record at the time, but it's really fucking shit, innit?' are two of them. Our ability to make such records is less good, but I have to say a lot of the list were European in origin. This means either:
A. We hate Europe, especially their cacky music.
B. Europeans just make shit music.
I'm not sure which it is, to be honest.
Also, it's good to know that not everyone gets sucked into the pop scams foisted upon us, and that most people manage to wake up to it eventually. And just to prove my unending good taste, I don't think there were any songs I sat there and thought 'HOW could that be on the list, you bastards?'
It also informed me that the former editor of Kerrang! magazine is now apparently the editor in chief for my beloved and adored MOJO... which is odd cos I remember him being on Never Mind the Buzzcocks and being ever so slighty a bit of a knob. But he was pretty cool on Worst Songs, so I shall forgive him and hope he doesn't fuck up my favourite magazine. Can't get any worse than the time they put Gomez on the cover I guess.
Basically, during the 100 Worst Songs, I laughed harder than I have since... well, the Christmas Never Mind the Buzzcocks, which was admittedly only last Sunday. And as I thought about some truly terrible songs that weren't on the list, I was reminded of something from Pirates of the Caribbean:
Commodore Norrington: You are the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Captain Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.
No publicity is bad publicity, savvy?
That said... I did catch a bit of Vh1's 100 Sexiest Stars the other day. I didn't see much of the show- I saw the reminder bit that told us that Robert Plant was at 54 and Jim Morrison at 53 and I saw that Britney and Kylie were at 2 and 1. This wouldn't be so annoying if I didn't know the results of American Vh1's poll of the same thing.
So yes, it's time for one of those posts by Clare. Long and rantsome, probably without much point and written at 3am. So don't say I haven't warned you.
Basically, I am sick and tired of the dire bollocks that has for too long passed itself off as rock and pop music and worse, the stuff that has passed itself off as 'sexy'. In reality it's safe, shite and anodyne.
Do you know how far back in time I've had to go to find genuinely sexy rock stars that shook the world? I'll give you a clue: the youngest of them is a full thirty three years older than me (Philip Lynott, btw). Another is a year older and his band broke up before I was even born. Another died eleven years before I was born. You think I like having dead heroes? You think it's my thing? It really isn't that at all. I would love to have heroes I could look up to now but the fact is the last time that happened I was seven years old and it was Jason Donovan. Me liking the Darkness a bit is very strange for me because they're now. It's got to the point that I don't even have the same conception of time as most people- you guys probably think thirty years ago was a long time ago, but to me it's not at all. In fact it's not until we're back in the twenties that I really get that it was a long time ago. That we're now entering the 100th year since Bing Crosby was born blows my mind, man. When we get to 1909 (Nancy will know why) I'll probably go insane.
I'm so getting off the point. My point concerns both the British and American results of the 100 Sexiest polls and what seems to be 'sexy' in today's music world.
Once upon a time, a bloke needed to have long hair, a pout and a pair of trousers tighter than social mores allowed. This is true of Elvis, the four Beatles, the Stones and on to the Doors and Led Zeppelin to name just a few of my favourites.
More than that, they needed to rock, for it is that rocking that makes them truly sexy and truly irresistible. Mick Jagger is not a good looking man in the traditional sense, but you watch him in his Jumpin Jack Flash prime and I defy you to remain totally unmoved. If you do remain totally unimpressed (and I wouldn't really blame you) try looking over his shoulder to the bloke with long black hair and probably a cigarette in his mouth. If the Jagger doesn't get you, the Richards will or you're beyond my help.
But that's all gone now. Instead of rock colossi like Jagger and Plant, we have Justin and Robbie. Now, I'm sure that someone likes these guys (if only their mothers) but please don't lets pretend they're sexy. They are bland and dull and pre-packaged for the convenience of twelve year old girls who just need someone to project their hopes and dreams onto. Once upon a time girls could have that and good music.
Bland pop twits like Justin and Robbie have always been around, whether they're Pat Boone de-sexing Tutti Frutti (Dean Martin said of him once "When I shook his hand, my whole right side sobered up) or Cliff Richard just being totally sexless. Or the Monkees in the Sixties, the Osmonds (The NME once described 'Crazy Horses' as "Led Zeppelin for the under-fives") and David Cassidy for the Seventies or the aforementioned Jason Donovan for my generation of pre-pubescent music fans.
But, and this is a huge but (yet no so large as J.Lo or Beyonce's), there were alternatives. For every bland Monkee there was a Beatle or a Rolling Stone, for every Osmond who transfixed nine year olds, there was a longhaired Zeppelin or Who bloke waiting to seduce their older sisters. That's perhaps as it should be. I think the music industry is right that little girls need unthreatening prettyboys to fall in love with. I think that little girls do need them so that they can pretend, they can daydream and their heroes are unlikely to shatter that dream before they can fall out of love. I get why little girls fell in love with the insanely androgynous Hanson brothers even if I think they're blind, deaf, mad or all three. See, I had mine in the form of Jason. But, and again, this is an important but, we had alternatives once we grew up a bit.
Except that I didn't until I went back in time a few decades. In the 90s the closest there were to 'sexy rock stars' were monobrowed, monobraincelled Oasis and the Essex twats Blur who were so rock and roll they got invited to Downing Street by Mr Blair.
Don't the music people get that we need our dangerous sexy boys? We need the Morrisons and Jaggers and Bowies of this world so that the older girls can act out rebellion without actually having to find some greasy monster. The threat is enough most of the time. The fear our mothers have that we might bring home someone like that is enough, man! But we don't have that anymore. The closest this country's had to a rebel lately is Robbie Fucking Williams, who is at best, a dancer and mimer who used to do drugs. Big fucking whoop. What happened to the days when music could set the world alight?
I'll tell you what: Pop Idol. I'm not saying that this is the sole reason, but somewhere along the line, the music industry decided that it could just fob us off with inane bollocks. And they were right, because most of us did accept it and buy these horrible records. The music industry got lazy because we got lazy. I don't blame the industry for it- I blame us. Once upon a time we cared, once upon a time so many people bought singles that it would've needed everyone in the country to buy a record twice to get it to No. 1. Now it only takes half the people who were in Cream on last Saturday night and happened to hear some shitty fake dance music, or the couple of million who watched Pop Idol on any given Tuesday.
It is not good enough. I DEMAND for the quality, the meaning and the sex to be put back in Rock and Roll music because I will NOT watch another poll that puts Kylie at the top. If I have to do it myself, I will because when we get to the point that we have to look to men approaching/past sixty to find sexy idols, we need to re-evaluate.
Food for thought: Jimmy Page will be sixty in eight days. Just think about that. It wouldn't matter that our heroes were getting older if we had people to take their places.
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no subject
Date: 2004-01-02 07:27 (UTC)