HP DDD: A Very Potter Birthday
Tuesday, 23 December 2003 23:47![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apollaOK. I know it's not July, but I wanted to give y'all a Crimbo present and realised that I haven't posted this anywhere yet. It's unbetaed, but from the vastness of the HPDDD universe.
So a July-set fic at Christmas, just because I'm contrary that way.
A Very Potter Birthday
Ruairi House, Lake Windermere. 31st July 2007.
Ruairi House was rarely very quiet, but on this particular day it was even more riotous than usual, and the lady of the house was grateful that there were no other houses nearby. The occasion was the twenty-seventh birthday of Harry Potter and the seventh birthday of his twin daughters Kit and Ella, and family and friends were determined to celebrate with style. This of course, meant much noise, much fun and a great deal of food.
The garden was overrun with children, mostly between the ages of ten and five. The birthday girls were quite in their element. Kitty had declared that, as it was her birthday, everyone would have to play what she wanted and had become quite annoyed when her sister pointed out that it was her birthday too. It was, on the other hand, her birthday and she was in much too good a mood to spoil it by fighting with her sister. The children were, at this point in the afternoon eagerly playing Stuck in the Mud with auntie Maura, who could always be counted on to join in with boisterous games.
Most of the grown-ups were sat around a long wooden table shaded from the sun by tall oak trees. Draco and Ginny were fulfilling their roles as a 'new couple' by having eyes only for each other (although, as Ron pointed out with disgust, they'd now been going out for a year and should know better). At the other end of the table, Hermione was discussing proposed changes in healer provision with Jade, Penelope and Percy, who was enjoying his second year as Minister of Magic. At various places at the table between these two extremes, Harry was in the middle of an argument with Angelina and Ron about Puddlemere's chances this season. Deanna was coping admirably with the loss of her husband to Quidditch and her business partner to a Malfoy by sketching out some ideas for Dee & Gin's winter collection. Fred and George were talking in hushed whispers, which could only mean they were planning a prank of some sort. The older generation had clustered together and punctuated their conversation with pauses to watch the children play. Arthur had chosen to take a post-Lunch snooze while Molly, Narcissa and Sirius were discussing the rumoured new book about the Diamond about to be published.
Danita Weasley noticed the car first. She had broken away from the other children to look for butterflies and had headed towards the more thickly wooded area around the driveway that led down to Windermere. Cars were not common to magical children and so she watched it enraptured. A shiny silver colour, a Muggle would have easily identified the car as an almost top-of-the-range three-year-old Mercedes. Danita just stared at it open-mouthed for a moment before she heard someone in the garden shout that there was a car coming. She vaguely recognised the voice as that of her own father Fred, but was too interested in the car to really care. She watched it drive slowly past her, and noticed a pudgy faced man in the back stare out at her with undisguised curiosity.
The car caused quite a commotion in the Potter garden. Cars were hardly used by anyone present, and the sight of one coming up the steep driveway was so rare that it took everyone a few moments to really register what was going on. The children all stopped playing and ran towards it, clustering around it as it came to a stop. The adults all rose from their seats and each had gone for his or her wand. They watched as Vernon, Petunia and Dudley Dursley got out of the car.
"I should've known," Harry muttered to Ron. "Aunt Petunia! What are you doing here?"
At the name 'Petunia' every grown-up visibly tensed up as they were given confirmation as to who these people were. Hermione's smile was plastered onto her face as she moved through what seemed like a sea of children to reach Petunia.
"You must be Harry's friend Hermione!" Petunia exclaimed shrilly with a smile yet more false than Hermione's.
"I must be," Hermione replied coldly as Petunia grabbed her hand and shook it. As soon as Petunia's vice-like grip loosened, Hermione wrenched her hand away.
"Aunt Petunia," Harry repeated. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh Harry, dear!" she replied. "We came to wish you a happy birthday of course!"
A murmur went up around them as everyone spoke amongst themselves about the new arrivals.
"I didn't know you knew where I lived," Harry said through clenched teeth.
"That Figg woman told us!" boomed Vernon. Harry looked sharply at him.
"Oh did she?"
"Quite by accident, as a matter of fact," Petunia said. "I happened to see her one morning… I didn't know you'd kept in touch with Mrs Figg."
"Somewhat," Harry said, not wanting to inform his aunt that he and Mrs Figg were associated through the Order of the Phoenix.
"Well, I thought it was simply smashing," gushed Petunia "so I asked her if she might have your address to send your birthday card."
"And she gave it to you?" Harry asked, eyebrow raised questioningly. Petunia's gaze darted to the floor and back up again. "What did you tell her, Petunia?"
Hermione looked curiously at Harry, for she had not heard him use that particular tone of voice for some years.
"I may have, uh… led her to believe in a manner of speaking, that is to say-"
"You pretended you had it but couldn't find it?"
"Possibly," she admitted. Harry sighed. In the brief silence, Petunia thrust a brightly wrapped box at him.
"Happy birthday!" she said, rather feebly it must be understood, but she said it all the same. He took the box from her and unwrapped it rather cautiously.
"Hey, maybe it's another old sock," muttered Ron. Deanna elbowed him but didn't seem too interested in making him be quiet. Harry opened the box to find inside a nice, if hardly expensive watch.
"It's a watch."
"We didn't know if… your sort, you know, have watches." Petunia told him, looking rather worriedly at the assembled mass of magical folks. At this comment, nearly everyone there held up their left arms, complete with watches. Draco, for his part, pulled out a watch on a chain from the inside pocket of his robes.
"That should show her, the old cow," Ginny muttered to Draco. "She was always horrid to Harry."
Harry seemed to be caught between cynicism and hope. He had never truly given up the hope that one day his aunt might show him some kindness, but at the same time a thought was running through his head: What's in it for them?
"Well," he said noncommittally, "do you want some tea?"
"I'd love a cup!" Vernon said rather loudly while Dudley took this as permission to raid the food. Everyone watched them curiously, finding these people to be most peculiar indeed.
"I want a word with you!" Molly Weasley's voice cut through the summer air. "Petunia Dursley, I want to talk to you!"
"Molly-" Hermione said.
"No Hermione, I have held my tongue for years and I am not going to stay quiet now. Harry doesn't have to worry about this horrid woman anymore so I am going to say my piece!"
"Oh, I don't mind that," Hermione said with a wave of her hand and a cold look over at Petunia. "I just wanted to know if you wanted another glass of pumpkin juice."
"Oh, that would be lovely dear. Now, you Petunia Dursley!" Molly marched over to Petunia and glared at her. Harry wisely stepped out of the way.
"I can't even believe you're related to that sweet Lily Potter that I knew! When I found out how you'd been treating poor little Harry, why, it was all my Arthur could do to stop me coming to your Little Whinging to give you a large piece of my mind!"
Behind her, Fred and George had enlisted the help of Paul and Ella to sneak some new prank sweets onto the table for Dudley and Vernon to find. Molly still had quite a bit to say, however.
"I don't know what you're doing here today, but I'm sure it's not to wish Harry a happy birthday! I cannot believe the gall of you people! You've looked down your nose at our sort for years! I heard Lily tell stories you know, in the old days, of her mean sister and it was only years later that I realised that she wasn't even exaggerating! You starved her only son, treated him like dirt and I will not stay quiet about it anymore!" Molly had run out of breath and sat back down rather heavily in her seat. Harry patted her on the shoulder.
"It's all right, Molly, really," Harry looked at Petunia, who had gone so pale she was the same shade as the sparkling white tablecloth. "Aunt Petunia, perhaps you'd like to meet everyone?"
Harry sounded like he was being kind, but deep down inside, he wanted to see her squirm as she met so many witches and wizards.
"That would be… lovely," she said faintly.
"Good! This is my wife, Hermione," he said. Hermione did not look pleased to be formally introduced to this woman.
"If you'll excuse me, I've got cleaning up to see to," she said frostily, marching away before her own temper snapped. Petunia attempted to smile, but it was proving too much for her.
"I didn't know you were married, Harry," she said. "You should've said."
"This is my best friend Ron Weasley, Ron, this is my aunt Petunia."
Ron glared at her, his ears turning slightly pink, and Harry could tell that only Deanna's hand on his arm was keeping him from reaching out and throttling the nearest Dursley.
"I'd say it was nice to meet you, but-" Ron stopped abruptly, perhaps not wanting to make the situation worse.
"His wife Deanna," Harry continued. "This is Fred and George, I think you met them before."
"We're the ones who gave Dudders the Ton-Tongue Toffee!" Fred announced proudly. Petunia now looked at him and his twin like they were dirt on a shoe and did not offer her hand to either brother. His brother glanced quickly at the table, where Dudley had taken a plate and had balanced most of the trick sweets onto it. Paul and Ella were stood a short distance away giggling.
"This is Ginny Weasley," Harry said. Ginny smiled most pleasingly at Petunia and the woman smiled with relief. Ginny took her hand and shook it most delicately.
"Simply smashing to meet you," Ginny said in a refined, wholly false voice. Next to her, Draco seemed to want to laugh, but Petunia didn't get the joke.
"This is Draco Malfoy, a good friend of mine."
Draco still reacted as he always did when referred to as a good friend of Harry's- first with a mostly unconscious grimace that was a holdout from his schooldays, then with a small smile.
"Draco Malfoy," he said to Petunia, taking her hand. "of the Wiltshire Malfoys. Son of Lucius Claudius Malfoy and Narcissa Sandrine Richards of the Berkshire Richardses, owner of Malfoy Magical Enterprises, the richest company in magical Britain…"
Everyone began to snigger as Draco did his 'I am a Malfoy' routine. He did it so rarely now that it was quite the treat to see Draco send himself, and the old ways of his family up. Petunia however, did not see the joke. At 'richest company' Vernon elbowed his way over to be introduced.
"Thanks Draco," Harry said with a sly wink. "Uncle Vernon, are you all right?"
Vernon seemed to be staring at Draco as if he were the second coming.
"Aunt Petunia, you may have met Sirius and Narcissa?" Harry asked. Petunia had returned to that very pale colour as her gaze fell upon Sirius.
"I remember you," she hissed at Sirius. Sirius, for his part, laughed heartily. "I didn't know that you were that convict Sirius Black."
"Of course I am, dear."
"Ex-convict. He was framed," Narcissa interjected icily. "And cleared of all charges."
"No, no, sweetheart," Sirius said. "Petunia isn't talking about all that. She's thinking of something before that."
"Who are you?" Petunia asked Narcissa. Narcissa took Draco's lead and put on her best Malfoy wife impression.
"Narcissa Black. Your sister was a good friend of mine. Tell me, how do you know my husband?"
"Oh, we go way back," snickered Sirius. "In fact, I have it on good authority that the former Miss Petunia Evans was quite taken with me."
"That is an outright lie!" Petunia said, now going rather red in the face.
"Was it before Seventh year, Ciss? When I went to get Lily, I mean?"
"Oh, yes, of course!" Narcissa laughed lightly and turned to Harry. "She wouldn't let James pick her up, no matter how he begged her."
"No," Sirius remembered with a fond smile. "Well Harry, I went to pick up your mother from her home to take her to King's Cross. I had my bike by then and was hoping to sneak it onto the train somehow. Picture your darling aunt's reaction when a long haired, devilishly handsome and charismatic young man turns up at her front door."
"Did someone else go, then?" asked Narcissa with a grin.
"Funny, woman. Funny. Oh, did I mention that I had a particularly large, particularly noisy motorbike? Petunia was very impressed."
"I most certainly was not!" she sniffed. "The neighbours were talking about it for weeks."
"You shouldn't care so much about what other people think, Petunia," Sirius said in a cheerful voice. "You should care what these people think though, because between you and me, they don't like you much."
"I had got that impression," she huffed. Narcissa shot her a particularly Malfoy-esque glare.
"Do you blame them? We all know how you treated Harry. We all know."
"Look," said Harry, "let's just move on shall we?"
"Why are you here, Petunia?" Sirius asked. "You didn't want anything to do with Lil' when she was alive, you didn't want anything to do with Harry before. I don't believe your opinion of our sort has changed."
Harry sighed and steered his aunt away from his godfather.
"Well, he is most disagreeable," said Petunia as he led her towards Percy and Penny.
"He is also my godfather," Harry told her firmly. Sirius's comment had made him think again. She was so very anti-magic that it seemed too strange that she should just turn up. But why else would she come here?
"Petunia, this is Angelina. She's the Chudley Cannons' highest scorer this season. And the last two seasons before that. This is Penny. She's Artemis House's best midwife and is currently working on improving home births for magical women. And this is Jade," Harry said. Petunia seemed quite taken with the pretty woman with the bright smile.
"I would have a long list of achievements," said Jade. "But I drew the short straw."
"What Jade means is," explained Harry "that she teaches Reception class at Hogsmeade Primary School."
"How lovely."
"And this is Percy. He's the Minister for Magic."
Petunia didn't know much about magic, but she knew an impressive title when she heard one. Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline and she turned on her brightest smile.
"He's the magical equivalent of the Prime Minister," Harry explained, watching her eyes brighten.
"It seems like you have a great many successful friends, Harry."
"Not friends, Petunia. Family." Harry watched her expression change and become quite confused. She looked like she was chewing on a wasp, in fact.
"OI!" Everyone in the garden turned to see Maura, a particularly enraged look on her face, staring down Dudley Dursley.
"What's the matter Maura?" asked Ron, joining in the glaring at Dudley.
"Someone has nicked my sausage rolls!"
Silence fell over the garden. There were few rules in this mad little world of Potters and Weasleys et al. but there were rules, and one was that you never took food off Maura's plate unless you wanted to die in a most amusing and painful fashion.
Harry's sharp eyes noticed that Maura had her sword at her side and sighed. She was so terribly over-dramatic. He also noticed that Hermione was now flanking her as well. A certain pride swelled in him as he realised that they were doing this for him. It was a brave person who stood up to someone as large and unpleasant looking as Dudley.
"What's going on here?" Vernon barked. "You girl, what do you think by threatening my son?"
"Shut up," spat Maura. "Truth be told... Dudley, innit? Truth be told, I couldn't give a rat's arse whether you nicked my sausage rolls or not. Truth be told, I couldn't tell the difference. But you do look like you need to trim down a bit." She unsheathed the sword of Ulster and allowed the red gems to glint in the sun for a moment. "Want me to help you in that particular direction?"
"Now see here!" blustered Vernon. "What are you doing with a weapon like that! Mad, the lot of you! Magic! Violence!"
"Shut UP, Dursley!" Maura barked back. "I'm not even magical. Don't be so bloody judgemental. But yes, we are quite mad."
Ron snickered. Vernon had gone a particularly nasty shade of purple as Maura continued to wave the sword in Dudley's direction.
"I knew we shouldn't have come here!" he muttered.
"Oh, we knew that too. Why are you here?" asked Hermione. "What did Mrs Figg let slip that made you drive all the way here? It must've taken you the better part of a day, even in that grotesque car."
Vernon's face went a darker purple as she insulted his car.
"What is it you wanted?" Ron echoed. "You didn't come to make up, did you? You couldn't care less."
"They want my money," Harry said quietly. Everyone turned to look first at him and then to glare at the Dursleys. "That's right, isn't it? I know Mrs Figg. She's a sweet old lady but she just loves to tell everyone how well I've done for myself since the war. She thought you already knew and you let her."
"Harry-" Petunia began.
"Leave."
"But Harry, please-" she tried to continue.
"Hang on a minute!" exclaimed Maura. "Does she know about the heir thing?"
Harry shook his head. Maura smirked at Petunia.
"Interesting. Petunia, did you know that you're descended from royalty?"
Petunia looked particularly interested in this nugget of information.
"Well, I certainly wouldn't be surprised," she replied. Maura smirked nastily at her.
"Oh yeah. Queen Maeve of Connaught. Her hobbies included fornication, drinking and bloody violence. All to excess. Do be proud, won't you?"
Petunia went white again. "Come along Vernon. We're clearly not welcome here."
"Do not come back. Ever," Harry told them firmly, feeling utterly crushed that they had been after his money after all. Perhaps Sirius was right- they would never learn and they would never accept magic. He watched the three go back to their car and noticed that Dudley had snaffled a couple of the trick sweets for later. He would have to give the Ministry notice of that… in good time.
"Oi!" another voice, higher and more childish joined in. Kitty broke through the ranks to approach Dudley, who was attempting to shift his mass into the car. He stopped.
"What do you want, kid?" he asked gruffly, looking for all the world like he just wanted to bat her away like she was an annoying insect.
"This!" She kicked him squarely in the shins. "That's what you get for being mean to my dad! And you ruined my birthday party!" Kit kicked him again for good measure as Draco pulled her back rather casually.
"Come on, Kitty, don't waste your energy on a fool like him."
Dudley scrambled into the car as fast as he could and slammed the door. The car roared off down the drive, leaving them all watching its wake. Behind the crowd, Arthur Weasley woke up from a particularly pleasant nap.
"Oh. Did I miss anything?"
The End
Don't forget to tip your waitress.
So a July-set fic at Christmas, just because I'm contrary that way.
A Very Potter Birthday
Ruairi House, Lake Windermere. 31st July 2007.
Ruairi House was rarely very quiet, but on this particular day it was even more riotous than usual, and the lady of the house was grateful that there were no other houses nearby. The occasion was the twenty-seventh birthday of Harry Potter and the seventh birthday of his twin daughters Kit and Ella, and family and friends were determined to celebrate with style. This of course, meant much noise, much fun and a great deal of food.
The garden was overrun with children, mostly between the ages of ten and five. The birthday girls were quite in their element. Kitty had declared that, as it was her birthday, everyone would have to play what she wanted and had become quite annoyed when her sister pointed out that it was her birthday too. It was, on the other hand, her birthday and she was in much too good a mood to spoil it by fighting with her sister. The children were, at this point in the afternoon eagerly playing Stuck in the Mud with auntie Maura, who could always be counted on to join in with boisterous games.
Most of the grown-ups were sat around a long wooden table shaded from the sun by tall oak trees. Draco and Ginny were fulfilling their roles as a 'new couple' by having eyes only for each other (although, as Ron pointed out with disgust, they'd now been going out for a year and should know better). At the other end of the table, Hermione was discussing proposed changes in healer provision with Jade, Penelope and Percy, who was enjoying his second year as Minister of Magic. At various places at the table between these two extremes, Harry was in the middle of an argument with Angelina and Ron about Puddlemere's chances this season. Deanna was coping admirably with the loss of her husband to Quidditch and her business partner to a Malfoy by sketching out some ideas for Dee & Gin's winter collection. Fred and George were talking in hushed whispers, which could only mean they were planning a prank of some sort. The older generation had clustered together and punctuated their conversation with pauses to watch the children play. Arthur had chosen to take a post-Lunch snooze while Molly, Narcissa and Sirius were discussing the rumoured new book about the Diamond about to be published.
Danita Weasley noticed the car first. She had broken away from the other children to look for butterflies and had headed towards the more thickly wooded area around the driveway that led down to Windermere. Cars were not common to magical children and so she watched it enraptured. A shiny silver colour, a Muggle would have easily identified the car as an almost top-of-the-range three-year-old Mercedes. Danita just stared at it open-mouthed for a moment before she heard someone in the garden shout that there was a car coming. She vaguely recognised the voice as that of her own father Fred, but was too interested in the car to really care. She watched it drive slowly past her, and noticed a pudgy faced man in the back stare out at her with undisguised curiosity.
The car caused quite a commotion in the Potter garden. Cars were hardly used by anyone present, and the sight of one coming up the steep driveway was so rare that it took everyone a few moments to really register what was going on. The children all stopped playing and ran towards it, clustering around it as it came to a stop. The adults all rose from their seats and each had gone for his or her wand. They watched as Vernon, Petunia and Dudley Dursley got out of the car.
"I should've known," Harry muttered to Ron. "Aunt Petunia! What are you doing here?"
At the name 'Petunia' every grown-up visibly tensed up as they were given confirmation as to who these people were. Hermione's smile was plastered onto her face as she moved through what seemed like a sea of children to reach Petunia.
"You must be Harry's friend Hermione!" Petunia exclaimed shrilly with a smile yet more false than Hermione's.
"I must be," Hermione replied coldly as Petunia grabbed her hand and shook it. As soon as Petunia's vice-like grip loosened, Hermione wrenched her hand away.
"Aunt Petunia," Harry repeated. "What are you doing here?"
"Oh Harry, dear!" she replied. "We came to wish you a happy birthday of course!"
A murmur went up around them as everyone spoke amongst themselves about the new arrivals.
"I didn't know you knew where I lived," Harry said through clenched teeth.
"That Figg woman told us!" boomed Vernon. Harry looked sharply at him.
"Oh did she?"
"Quite by accident, as a matter of fact," Petunia said. "I happened to see her one morning… I didn't know you'd kept in touch with Mrs Figg."
"Somewhat," Harry said, not wanting to inform his aunt that he and Mrs Figg were associated through the Order of the Phoenix.
"Well, I thought it was simply smashing," gushed Petunia "so I asked her if she might have your address to send your birthday card."
"And she gave it to you?" Harry asked, eyebrow raised questioningly. Petunia's gaze darted to the floor and back up again. "What did you tell her, Petunia?"
Hermione looked curiously at Harry, for she had not heard him use that particular tone of voice for some years.
"I may have, uh… led her to believe in a manner of speaking, that is to say-"
"You pretended you had it but couldn't find it?"
"Possibly," she admitted. Harry sighed. In the brief silence, Petunia thrust a brightly wrapped box at him.
"Happy birthday!" she said, rather feebly it must be understood, but she said it all the same. He took the box from her and unwrapped it rather cautiously.
"Hey, maybe it's another old sock," muttered Ron. Deanna elbowed him but didn't seem too interested in making him be quiet. Harry opened the box to find inside a nice, if hardly expensive watch.
"It's a watch."
"We didn't know if… your sort, you know, have watches." Petunia told him, looking rather worriedly at the assembled mass of magical folks. At this comment, nearly everyone there held up their left arms, complete with watches. Draco, for his part, pulled out a watch on a chain from the inside pocket of his robes.
"That should show her, the old cow," Ginny muttered to Draco. "She was always horrid to Harry."
Harry seemed to be caught between cynicism and hope. He had never truly given up the hope that one day his aunt might show him some kindness, but at the same time a thought was running through his head: What's in it for them?
"Well," he said noncommittally, "do you want some tea?"
"I'd love a cup!" Vernon said rather loudly while Dudley took this as permission to raid the food. Everyone watched them curiously, finding these people to be most peculiar indeed.
"I want a word with you!" Molly Weasley's voice cut through the summer air. "Petunia Dursley, I want to talk to you!"
"Molly-" Hermione said.
"No Hermione, I have held my tongue for years and I am not going to stay quiet now. Harry doesn't have to worry about this horrid woman anymore so I am going to say my piece!"
"Oh, I don't mind that," Hermione said with a wave of her hand and a cold look over at Petunia. "I just wanted to know if you wanted another glass of pumpkin juice."
"Oh, that would be lovely dear. Now, you Petunia Dursley!" Molly marched over to Petunia and glared at her. Harry wisely stepped out of the way.
"I can't even believe you're related to that sweet Lily Potter that I knew! When I found out how you'd been treating poor little Harry, why, it was all my Arthur could do to stop me coming to your Little Whinging to give you a large piece of my mind!"
Behind her, Fred and George had enlisted the help of Paul and Ella to sneak some new prank sweets onto the table for Dudley and Vernon to find. Molly still had quite a bit to say, however.
"I don't know what you're doing here today, but I'm sure it's not to wish Harry a happy birthday! I cannot believe the gall of you people! You've looked down your nose at our sort for years! I heard Lily tell stories you know, in the old days, of her mean sister and it was only years later that I realised that she wasn't even exaggerating! You starved her only son, treated him like dirt and I will not stay quiet about it anymore!" Molly had run out of breath and sat back down rather heavily in her seat. Harry patted her on the shoulder.
"It's all right, Molly, really," Harry looked at Petunia, who had gone so pale she was the same shade as the sparkling white tablecloth. "Aunt Petunia, perhaps you'd like to meet everyone?"
Harry sounded like he was being kind, but deep down inside, he wanted to see her squirm as she met so many witches and wizards.
"That would be… lovely," she said faintly.
"Good! This is my wife, Hermione," he said. Hermione did not look pleased to be formally introduced to this woman.
"If you'll excuse me, I've got cleaning up to see to," she said frostily, marching away before her own temper snapped. Petunia attempted to smile, but it was proving too much for her.
"I didn't know you were married, Harry," she said. "You should've said."
"This is my best friend Ron Weasley, Ron, this is my aunt Petunia."
Ron glared at her, his ears turning slightly pink, and Harry could tell that only Deanna's hand on his arm was keeping him from reaching out and throttling the nearest Dursley.
"I'd say it was nice to meet you, but-" Ron stopped abruptly, perhaps not wanting to make the situation worse.
"His wife Deanna," Harry continued. "This is Fred and George, I think you met them before."
"We're the ones who gave Dudders the Ton-Tongue Toffee!" Fred announced proudly. Petunia now looked at him and his twin like they were dirt on a shoe and did not offer her hand to either brother. His brother glanced quickly at the table, where Dudley had taken a plate and had balanced most of the trick sweets onto it. Paul and Ella were stood a short distance away giggling.
"This is Ginny Weasley," Harry said. Ginny smiled most pleasingly at Petunia and the woman smiled with relief. Ginny took her hand and shook it most delicately.
"Simply smashing to meet you," Ginny said in a refined, wholly false voice. Next to her, Draco seemed to want to laugh, but Petunia didn't get the joke.
"This is Draco Malfoy, a good friend of mine."
Draco still reacted as he always did when referred to as a good friend of Harry's- first with a mostly unconscious grimace that was a holdout from his schooldays, then with a small smile.
"Draco Malfoy," he said to Petunia, taking her hand. "of the Wiltshire Malfoys. Son of Lucius Claudius Malfoy and Narcissa Sandrine Richards of the Berkshire Richardses, owner of Malfoy Magical Enterprises, the richest company in magical Britain…"
Everyone began to snigger as Draco did his 'I am a Malfoy' routine. He did it so rarely now that it was quite the treat to see Draco send himself, and the old ways of his family up. Petunia however, did not see the joke. At 'richest company' Vernon elbowed his way over to be introduced.
"Thanks Draco," Harry said with a sly wink. "Uncle Vernon, are you all right?"
Vernon seemed to be staring at Draco as if he were the second coming.
"Aunt Petunia, you may have met Sirius and Narcissa?" Harry asked. Petunia had returned to that very pale colour as her gaze fell upon Sirius.
"I remember you," she hissed at Sirius. Sirius, for his part, laughed heartily. "I didn't know that you were that convict Sirius Black."
"Of course I am, dear."
"Ex-convict. He was framed," Narcissa interjected icily. "And cleared of all charges."
"No, no, sweetheart," Sirius said. "Petunia isn't talking about all that. She's thinking of something before that."
"Who are you?" Petunia asked Narcissa. Narcissa took Draco's lead and put on her best Malfoy wife impression.
"Narcissa Black. Your sister was a good friend of mine. Tell me, how do you know my husband?"
"Oh, we go way back," snickered Sirius. "In fact, I have it on good authority that the former Miss Petunia Evans was quite taken with me."
"That is an outright lie!" Petunia said, now going rather red in the face.
"Was it before Seventh year, Ciss? When I went to get Lily, I mean?"
"Oh, yes, of course!" Narcissa laughed lightly and turned to Harry. "She wouldn't let James pick her up, no matter how he begged her."
"No," Sirius remembered with a fond smile. "Well Harry, I went to pick up your mother from her home to take her to King's Cross. I had my bike by then and was hoping to sneak it onto the train somehow. Picture your darling aunt's reaction when a long haired, devilishly handsome and charismatic young man turns up at her front door."
"Did someone else go, then?" asked Narcissa with a grin.
"Funny, woman. Funny. Oh, did I mention that I had a particularly large, particularly noisy motorbike? Petunia was very impressed."
"I most certainly was not!" she sniffed. "The neighbours were talking about it for weeks."
"You shouldn't care so much about what other people think, Petunia," Sirius said in a cheerful voice. "You should care what these people think though, because between you and me, they don't like you much."
"I had got that impression," she huffed. Narcissa shot her a particularly Malfoy-esque glare.
"Do you blame them? We all know how you treated Harry. We all know."
"Look," said Harry, "let's just move on shall we?"
"Why are you here, Petunia?" Sirius asked. "You didn't want anything to do with Lil' when she was alive, you didn't want anything to do with Harry before. I don't believe your opinion of our sort has changed."
Harry sighed and steered his aunt away from his godfather.
"Well, he is most disagreeable," said Petunia as he led her towards Percy and Penny.
"He is also my godfather," Harry told her firmly. Sirius's comment had made him think again. She was so very anti-magic that it seemed too strange that she should just turn up. But why else would she come here?
"Petunia, this is Angelina. She's the Chudley Cannons' highest scorer this season. And the last two seasons before that. This is Penny. She's Artemis House's best midwife and is currently working on improving home births for magical women. And this is Jade," Harry said. Petunia seemed quite taken with the pretty woman with the bright smile.
"I would have a long list of achievements," said Jade. "But I drew the short straw."
"What Jade means is," explained Harry "that she teaches Reception class at Hogsmeade Primary School."
"How lovely."
"And this is Percy. He's the Minister for Magic."
Petunia didn't know much about magic, but she knew an impressive title when she heard one. Her eyebrows shot up to her hairline and she turned on her brightest smile.
"He's the magical equivalent of the Prime Minister," Harry explained, watching her eyes brighten.
"It seems like you have a great many successful friends, Harry."
"Not friends, Petunia. Family." Harry watched her expression change and become quite confused. She looked like she was chewing on a wasp, in fact.
"OI!" Everyone in the garden turned to see Maura, a particularly enraged look on her face, staring down Dudley Dursley.
"What's the matter Maura?" asked Ron, joining in the glaring at Dudley.
"Someone has nicked my sausage rolls!"
Silence fell over the garden. There were few rules in this mad little world of Potters and Weasleys et al. but there were rules, and one was that you never took food off Maura's plate unless you wanted to die in a most amusing and painful fashion.
Harry's sharp eyes noticed that Maura had her sword at her side and sighed. She was so terribly over-dramatic. He also noticed that Hermione was now flanking her as well. A certain pride swelled in him as he realised that they were doing this for him. It was a brave person who stood up to someone as large and unpleasant looking as Dudley.
"What's going on here?" Vernon barked. "You girl, what do you think by threatening my son?"
"Shut up," spat Maura. "Truth be told... Dudley, innit? Truth be told, I couldn't give a rat's arse whether you nicked my sausage rolls or not. Truth be told, I couldn't tell the difference. But you do look like you need to trim down a bit." She unsheathed the sword of Ulster and allowed the red gems to glint in the sun for a moment. "Want me to help you in that particular direction?"
"Now see here!" blustered Vernon. "What are you doing with a weapon like that! Mad, the lot of you! Magic! Violence!"
"Shut UP, Dursley!" Maura barked back. "I'm not even magical. Don't be so bloody judgemental. But yes, we are quite mad."
Ron snickered. Vernon had gone a particularly nasty shade of purple as Maura continued to wave the sword in Dudley's direction.
"I knew we shouldn't have come here!" he muttered.
"Oh, we knew that too. Why are you here?" asked Hermione. "What did Mrs Figg let slip that made you drive all the way here? It must've taken you the better part of a day, even in that grotesque car."
Vernon's face went a darker purple as she insulted his car.
"What is it you wanted?" Ron echoed. "You didn't come to make up, did you? You couldn't care less."
"They want my money," Harry said quietly. Everyone turned to look first at him and then to glare at the Dursleys. "That's right, isn't it? I know Mrs Figg. She's a sweet old lady but she just loves to tell everyone how well I've done for myself since the war. She thought you already knew and you let her."
"Harry-" Petunia began.
"Leave."
"But Harry, please-" she tried to continue.
"Hang on a minute!" exclaimed Maura. "Does she know about the heir thing?"
Harry shook his head. Maura smirked at Petunia.
"Interesting. Petunia, did you know that you're descended from royalty?"
Petunia looked particularly interested in this nugget of information.
"Well, I certainly wouldn't be surprised," she replied. Maura smirked nastily at her.
"Oh yeah. Queen Maeve of Connaught. Her hobbies included fornication, drinking and bloody violence. All to excess. Do be proud, won't you?"
Petunia went white again. "Come along Vernon. We're clearly not welcome here."
"Do not come back. Ever," Harry told them firmly, feeling utterly crushed that they had been after his money after all. Perhaps Sirius was right- they would never learn and they would never accept magic. He watched the three go back to their car and noticed that Dudley had snaffled a couple of the trick sweets for later. He would have to give the Ministry notice of that… in good time.
"Oi!" another voice, higher and more childish joined in. Kitty broke through the ranks to approach Dudley, who was attempting to shift his mass into the car. He stopped.
"What do you want, kid?" he asked gruffly, looking for all the world like he just wanted to bat her away like she was an annoying insect.
"This!" She kicked him squarely in the shins. "That's what you get for being mean to my dad! And you ruined my birthday party!" Kit kicked him again for good measure as Draco pulled her back rather casually.
"Come on, Kitty, don't waste your energy on a fool like him."
Dudley scrambled into the car as fast as he could and slammed the door. The car roared off down the drive, leaving them all watching its wake. Behind the crowd, Arthur Weasley woke up from a particularly pleasant nap.
"Oh. Did I miss anything?"
The End
Don't forget to tip your waitress.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-12-23 16:45 (UTC)I love that you finished this, Clare! I know I saw a good portion of the WIP, and I knew you were going somewhere great with it. Bloody Brilliant, Mate!
*Hugs*
no subject
Date: 2003-12-23 17:11 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-23 18:26 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-23 18:39 (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-12-23 18:32 (UTC)Your characters are soooo good, I hated to see the end of this.
You may have anything of mine for a tip. Just, you have to come gt it.
>:D
no subject
Date: 2003-12-23 19:03 (UTC)And with that mad bunch, I reckon Harry will do just fine.
*huge Christmas hugs*