Dear Rory: An Apology
Saturday, 10 October 2009 22:02![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
apollaDear Rory,
You're dead. Anything I have to say you either won't read or won't care about. I'm going to say it anyway.
I'm really, really sorry.
I read Gerry McAvoy's book this week just past. It didn't take long. And I'm Really Sorry.
I've got used to rock stars and their ways. I've become immune to it all, become desensitised to all the awful stuff they do. I'm a Doors fan and a Led Zeppelin fan: it's pretty hard to shock me with any stories of excess or naughtiness. To you though, I extend a deep and sincere apology. I didn't really realise how much I was holding all musicians to a particular standard: down to the standard.
I have come to expect certain things from rock and roll stars. Drugs, drink, girls, excess of most kinds. Not just not surprised at it, but expect. I hold all rock and roll musicians down to the same low standard and so it's hard to surprise, shock or disappoint me.
You, man... people had said to me, people who know things, that you were a good guy. I read the old MOJO article about your last months, and how nobody had a bad word to say about you. I assumed that you were a 'good guy' when placed next to the likes of Jimmy 'whips and fourteen year olds' Page or Jim 'distillery' Morrison. I assumed that nobody had a bad word to say about you but that you'd just been good at keeping it all quiet.
Once I read Robert Plant claim in Q that he'd never cheated on his wife, I pretty much assumed that all rock musicians are liars. After reading John Lennon himself say that "You have to be a bastard to make it. That’s a fact. And the Beatles were the biggest bastards on Earth." I assumed that you all really were total bastards.
So I'm really sorry, Rory. I held you down to that low, low standard and it would appear that you didn't deserve it. Sure, you were a bit tight with money, but you're not the worst (allegedly Rod *tight as two coats of paint* Stewart. Paul *homemade dye job* McCartney). Sure, you were a control freak when it came to The Music, but I agree with you on that score.
I'm really sorry, Rory. When I read in places that you died without a wife or children or apparently without a long-term girlfriend or anything, I assumed you were either gay or good at keeping it all on the down-low. I assumed...
I assumed you were stoned just like everyone else. I'm really sorry.
I assumed you were like the rest of them but just better at being discreet. I suppose I still don't really have any proof of it being otherwise... but reading Gerry's book... man, I'm sorry. I thought you were like all the others.
So you kept away from women, so you were shy and self-contained. So you were anti-drugs. So you were uncompromising in terms of business and music and what you would and wouldn't do. You didn't even like swearing.
Man, I'm sorry. I assumed you were one thing, just like everyone else. I didn't dream that you were actually the rock star I would be if given half a chance. You're the person I always hoped I'd be in that situation, and I didn't know it.
Of course, it breaks my heart that little bit more. Actually, it breaks my heart, rips it out of my chest and stomps on it before running over it with a Mercedes 600 Grosse... because it makes your death even more ridiculous and pointless and just sad. I can blame Jim and Philo and the rest for their weaknesses but you... how did you go from advising Gerry to go easy on the whiskey to dying post-liver transplant sad and practically alone?
What am I supposed to learn from you, Rory? That the life I've chosen for myself will end as yours did? Not to go to Harley Street? Not to take too much paracetamol? I'm not a top-class guitarist like you, dear friend... what am I supposed to take from this? That Life is a bitch, and so am I? That good men die just like the bad ones?
I know people who know stuff about this stuff and they have nothing but the highest praise for you. These are people who saw you at the fag-end of your career and were still blown away. One guy got offended at the idea that anyone could say anything bad about you - and he's not a wailing sentimentalist like I am. Rory, Rory, fucking why?
I'm really sorry, I really am. I assumed you were like everyone else when it seems like if anything, you're like me. And that fucking terrifies me.
You're dead. Anything I have to say you either won't read or won't care about. I'm going to say it anyway.
I'm really, really sorry.
I read Gerry McAvoy's book this week just past. It didn't take long. And I'm Really Sorry.
I've got used to rock stars and their ways. I've become immune to it all, become desensitised to all the awful stuff they do. I'm a Doors fan and a Led Zeppelin fan: it's pretty hard to shock me with any stories of excess or naughtiness. To you though, I extend a deep and sincere apology. I didn't really realise how much I was holding all musicians to a particular standard: down to the standard.
I have come to expect certain things from rock and roll stars. Drugs, drink, girls, excess of most kinds. Not just not surprised at it, but expect. I hold all rock and roll musicians down to the same low standard and so it's hard to surprise, shock or disappoint me.
You, man... people had said to me, people who know things, that you were a good guy. I read the old MOJO article about your last months, and how nobody had a bad word to say about you. I assumed that you were a 'good guy' when placed next to the likes of Jimmy 'whips and fourteen year olds' Page or Jim 'distillery' Morrison. I assumed that nobody had a bad word to say about you but that you'd just been good at keeping it all quiet.
Once I read Robert Plant claim in Q that he'd never cheated on his wife, I pretty much assumed that all rock musicians are liars. After reading John Lennon himself say that "You have to be a bastard to make it. That’s a fact. And the Beatles were the biggest bastards on Earth." I assumed that you all really were total bastards.
So I'm really sorry, Rory. I held you down to that low, low standard and it would appear that you didn't deserve it. Sure, you were a bit tight with money, but you're not the worst (allegedly Rod *tight as two coats of paint* Stewart. Paul *homemade dye job* McCartney). Sure, you were a control freak when it came to The Music, but I agree with you on that score.
I'm really sorry, Rory. When I read in places that you died without a wife or children or apparently without a long-term girlfriend or anything, I assumed you were either gay or good at keeping it all on the down-low. I assumed...
I assumed you were stoned just like everyone else. I'm really sorry.
I assumed you were like the rest of them but just better at being discreet. I suppose I still don't really have any proof of it being otherwise... but reading Gerry's book... man, I'm sorry. I thought you were like all the others.
So you kept away from women, so you were shy and self-contained. So you were anti-drugs. So you were uncompromising in terms of business and music and what you would and wouldn't do. You didn't even like swearing.
Man, I'm sorry. I assumed you were one thing, just like everyone else. I didn't dream that you were actually the rock star I would be if given half a chance. You're the person I always hoped I'd be in that situation, and I didn't know it.
Of course, it breaks my heart that little bit more. Actually, it breaks my heart, rips it out of my chest and stomps on it before running over it with a Mercedes 600 Grosse... because it makes your death even more ridiculous and pointless and just sad. I can blame Jim and Philo and the rest for their weaknesses but you... how did you go from advising Gerry to go easy on the whiskey to dying post-liver transplant sad and practically alone?
What am I supposed to learn from you, Rory? That the life I've chosen for myself will end as yours did? Not to go to Harley Street? Not to take too much paracetamol? I'm not a top-class guitarist like you, dear friend... what am I supposed to take from this? That Life is a bitch, and so am I? That good men die just like the bad ones?
I know people who know stuff about this stuff and they have nothing but the highest praise for you. These are people who saw you at the fag-end of your career and were still blown away. One guy got offended at the idea that anyone could say anything bad about you - and he's not a wailing sentimentalist like I am. Rory, Rory, fucking why?
I'm really sorry, I really am. I assumed you were like everyone else when it seems like if anything, you're like me. And that fucking terrifies me.
Sorry for swearing.
