The Untouchable Woman

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Hi guys, I scribbled some stuff down during lunch yesterday and today at Starbucks and thought I would share. Please let me know what you think, whether to agree, disagree or somewhere inbetween.

No doubt I've thought too quickly or typed too quickly and managed to contradict myself, but it's only a first thought of an idea.

The Untouchables

 

There exists in the female population a breed of woman that might be best called ‘The Untouchables’. These women are or seem almost perpetually single. There are a number of reasons, but they fall into two vague groups:

 

1. They are too ugly or horrible or nasty to be asked out.
2. They are too beautiful or perfect to be asked out.

 

It’s my opinion, given my great faith in humanity, that the former is actually a smaller group than the latter: beauty is in the eye of the beholder and so everyone is beautiful to someone. The latter group, on the other hand, is growing ever larger as more women become genuinely liberated. By that, I mean they are well educated, independent, secure in their own equality (as opposed to either inferiority or superiority, both of which have plagued femininity for a long time) and they are unhampered by an all-consuming need to be dating. Bridget Jones wasn’t an Untouchable, she was just unlucky for a while. The true Untouchable may not be especially pleased about being perennially single, but she won’t let it get her down. The Untouchable is not necessarily Venus Incarnate looks wise, but she’s probably something to behold. Nor does she necessarily dress like either a 70s vision of sexuality (all mini-skirts and tight tops) or like a 70s women’s libber: Untouchables put effort into how they look, they might even wear heels and skirts, but it’s because they want to, not because they want to attract the peacocks.

 

The problem for the Untouchable is that all her looks, brainpower and independence mix together to form this vibe of Untouchability. It must be terrifying for guys to admire an Untouchable, for such amazing ladies are scary. They’re not perfect, you see, but they give off this feeling, this vibe of ‘I’m so marvellous, how could you possibly match me? I’m so much better than you!’ In turn, boy gets intimidated and slinks away without a word.

 

The irony is that many Untouchables don’t realise they give off this uber-confident vibe that sends those of a Y chromosome persuasion scurrying away, tail between legs. Most Untouchables are friendly, open girls with charm to spare. This makes conversation easy with them, but sure doesn’t it make them even more Untouchable? They in turn will probably wonder why nobody asks them out and will assume it’s because they’re Untouchable Type One: Troll and not what they really are, Untouchable Type Two: Real Life Goddess.

 

This is where they occasionally begin to resemble a Bridget Jones type, because Untouchables are only human and nobody wants to think of themselves as trolls. Another weird thing about Untouchables? They’re largely post-feminist chicks well able to converse normally with both genders, fully able to be pals with guys, which of course scares the boys even more because they think one of two things:

 

1. Oh fuck, she’s only interested in being friends.
2. Oh fuck, she must already have a bloke, cos no girl just talks to a guy if she doesn’t already have someone.

 

Which as you can see, leaves our poor Untouchable in a precarious situation. She doesn’t mind being single (likes the independence, you know) because if she did, she would’ve become one of the other more Bridgety types anyway… but she’s also a clever girl and knows being someone’s girlfriend/wife/whatever is a pretty cool thing if you can find the right person…

 

Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on your opinion), the Untouchable knows the difference between love and lust, and doesn’t easily settle for less than the former. So the irony is that the guys thinking ‘I’m not good enough for her!’ probably aren’t good enough for her.

 

Mind you, she’ll probably never be cruel or nasty to any guy who does summon the necessary to ask her out: too much respect for the other gender, natural kindness, etc… Don’t Untouchables make you sick? Still, the Untouchable hasn’t always been an Untouchable. As a girl she was equally likely to have been a tomboy or a princess. She may not remain an Untouchable either: definitions changed, perceptions change, people change. Or she might succeed where other Untouchables might not, and break through into one of the other roles given to us: wife, mother, etc. Untouchables don’t generally spurn these roles or disdain them, it’s just that being Untouchable, and they don’t need these roles to feel human or whole.

 

Oh, and the thing about Untouchables that the other types might not realise? The Untouchable doesn’t hate the other types. She doesn’t look down on nurturers being properly post-feminist. She doesn’t scorn femme fatales either, because she gets that too. The Untouchable exists a little outside the Order Of Things, so gets to observe more impartially. In some ways, she’s something of a bridge between femme fatale, mother, libber and girly-girl. Then again, most of the other types encapsulate elements of others, so let’s not let the Untouchable run away with too much credit.

 

The Untouchable’s great confidence comes from knowing who she is. She’s pretty well happy in her own skin, but that doesn’t stop her beautifying or wishing. She knows who she is and isn’t searching for answers in anyone else, which makes guys feel useless and oh, there’s the scariness again. The Untouchable is scary to most guys because she’s this great, evolved example of womanhood that has managed to steal the best of masculinity, the very best of femininity and modernity and smushed them all together into one person. Many guys, God love them, are not so evolved as to be able to accept alpha females, let alone the Untouchable. One day they will, but not yet.

 

What the Untouchable should know (but might not) is that there does exist a branch of superior, evolved alpha male not only capable of accepting and tackling her, but willing to. He might come under the heading ‘New Man’, but really what he is, is Alpha Male 21^st Century, a post-feminist guy who believes in real equality because that’s what he’s always known. Sure, he wants a hot chick because he’s still a guy, but he wants one with a brain, one with guts. Looks and brains and guts and confidence are not a threat to this guy, who is as comfortable in himself as the Untouchable is in herself. Just as she wants a man willing to challenge (not dominate) her, so he wants a woman to challenge and be challenged by.

 

It being useless to suggest men and women are the same, I should point out that the best male for the Untouchable isn’t actually an Untouchable himself. Perhaps he’s more accurately called the Unattainable, one of those near-perfect guys every girl wishes she could have.

 

If these two fit, they make just about the perfect pair, although probably not a quiet or understated pair. They’re the kind of couple who stick in the collective mind because it’s what everyone kinda wishes they had- equality, partnership and all that other self-help book stuff. She is not intimidated by him, but he is not cowed by her. She does not have to change for him and he does not wish her to. And vice versa and so on and so on.

 

Ava Gardner was an Untouchable once, but Mickey Rooney and Frank Sinatra got to her. She and Sinatra might have been one of the great Untouchable/Unattainable couples but she wasn’t so Untouchable by then and he wasn’t close to being the kind of decent Unattainable an Untouchable deserves. Perhaps these days Brangelina is the closest comparison, although Untouchables aren’t always screen goddesses and Unattainables aren’t always heartthrobs. It’s not about fame or money necessarily, it’s about confidence.

 

How to explain best? These are the people the rest of the world envies. They aren’t perfect and certainly not better than the rest of the world, but they’re apart from it a little. They don’t fit quite right with the other groups, you know, and will only be truly contented and complete with their right partner. To give you a literary comparison from a very long time ago: Lizzy Bennet (something of an Untouchable) and Darcy (King of the Unattainables) could only ever have belonged to each other. To give you a filmic comparison: Scarlett O’Hara and Rhett Butler. Think on it.

 

There aren’t a lot of Untouchables out there, but most people know one or two. It’s an envied position sometimes, but it’s also pretty lonely: for all my ramblings on the perfection of an Untouchable/Unattainable partnership, they don’t always get it. I didn’t find the name Untouchable in a fortune cookie. Sure, if they do find their Unattainable it’s great, but they don’t always. Some settle for less and wilt, and some hold out for something that doesn’t arrive and wither. To the Untouchable, this isn’t the end of the world, but as Elizabeth Taylor’s Cleopatra said:

 

“A queen can never have too many hours in her day, but her nights have too many.”

 

Or something. The point is that being an Untouchable usually means being sure of oneself, but also on something of a pedestal. It doesn’t have to be a high pedestal to separate her from the rest of the world, and she is still a girl and has those Ben and Jerry pyjama moments. The Untouchable is a great thing to behold, but she’s not better than the nurturers or the femme fatales, she’s just less common. Maybe one day more of us will be counted as Untouchables and maybe one day the boys will catch up and there will be so many Untouchables and Unattainables that we’ll have to find them new names and everyone will live happily ever after.

 

If you’re an Untouchable, you’re pretty lucky because you are a Type Two, trust me. If you’re not one, well give your Untouchable sisters a break, OK? She might look like she has all the answers but just like you, she doesn’t. Not yet anyway.

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Remarks? Comments? Questions? Share an Untouchable Example?

Comments

[marquiserachel.livejournal.com]

An interesting idea Clare. One I would have to dwell on a little further.