As it all kicks off...

I've been thinking quite hard about some of the stuff posted lately, and it may not have helped that I was watching The West Wing earlier.

Basically, I've read some well-thought out posts lately and I've seen this 'wizards for bush' comm and so on and so on. This is the opinion of someone in Britain who sees the world from a slightly skewed perspective most of the time. It's my opinion. I don't ask that you agree, I don't dislike anyone for disagreeing, but I know everyone on my flist is intelligent enough to understand that it is my opinion.

As far as US presidential candidates this year go, I'm distinctly underwhelmed. Just as here in Britain the gulf between the main two parties gets ever smaller, I find it hard to actually really tell the difference between the two. What sets Michael Howard apart from Tony Blair really? What is the difference between Kerry and Bush? Does anyone really believe their world will change after November, whatever the outcome? I don't think it will.

I really do not like George W Bush. I think he's seriously deficient in every criteria for serious leadership. Mind you, is John Kerry much different? He's a fairly uninteresting senator who doesn't seem to have really excelled in that position.

I actually think it's a bit like that Chris Rock movie Head of State, where they pick a small-fry no-hoper because none of the big guns want to oppose a sitting president with little chance of losing. Difference is, John Kerry is no Chris Rock and John Edwards is no Bernie Mac.

The differences between the two sides are tiny. The differences come between the people supporting one or the other. I am dismayed that there's so much vehement opposition between friends. The politicians are going to screw the lot of you over, no matter how you vote.

Those politicians do not care about you. They do not care about you because you're not giving them thousands of dollars in fundraising. They do not care about what you think or feel. They do not really care that you have no money/job/hope. Like politicians here, they are interested in the following:

1. Getting power.
2. Making money.
3. Getting on television.
4. Themselves.

(in no particular order)

It would take a politician with the grace of Gandhi, the charisma of Frank Sinatra and the political savvy of Machiavelli to make me believe otherwise.

Red or blue, it really doesn't matter on either side of the Atlantic- they are not interested in helping you. America and Britain will remain in Iraq being blown to bits. The poorest of society will remain so while the rich get richer. We will pay our taxes but the health service will get worse. We will pay local tax, but our pavements will get ever more broken up, our schools will continue to fall apart.

This is the way of the world. It really doesn't matter who you vote for because they're all the same. John Kerry is not the Second Coming (the first being another JFK who failed to really make that much of a difference). George W Bush will not make your life better. If you're unemployed in September, you'll probably still be unemployed in December (like me).

No matter who wins, there will be balloons and confetti and the promise of better things ahead. You'll only get the balloons and confetti.

The world will continue to turn. It is as it has always been.

In the meantime, how about we all try to stay pals? This is the time to stick together, not let things rent us all asunder.

As it all kicks off...

I've been thinking quite hard about some of the stuff posted lately, and it may not have helped that I was watching The West Wing earlier.

Basically, I've read some well-thought out posts lately and I've seen this 'wizards for bush' comm and so on and so on. This is the opinion of someone in Britain who sees the world from a slightly skewed perspective most of the time. It's my opinion. I don't ask that you agree, I don't dislike anyone for disagreeing, but I know everyone on my flist is intelligent enough to understand that it is my opinion.

As far as US presidential candidates this year go, I'm distinctly underwhelmed. Just as here in Britain the gulf between the main two parties gets ever smaller, I find it hard to actually really tell the difference between the two. What sets Michael Howard apart from Tony Blair really? What is the difference between Kerry and Bush? Does anyone really believe their world will change after November, whatever the outcome? I don't think it will.

I really do not like George W Bush. I think he's seriously deficient in every criteria for serious leadership. Mind you, is John Kerry much different? He's a fairly uninteresting senator who doesn't seem to have really excelled in that position.

I actually think it's a bit like that Chris Rock movie Head of State, where they pick a small-fry no-hoper because none of the big guns want to oppose a sitting president with little chance of losing. Difference is, John Kerry is no Chris Rock and John Edwards is no Bernie Mac.

The differences between the two sides are tiny. The differences come between the people supporting one or the other. I am dismayed that there's so much vehement opposition between friends. The politicians are going to screw the lot of you over, no matter how you vote.

Those politicians do not care about you. They do not care about you because you're not giving them thousands of dollars in fundraising. They do not care about what you think or feel. They do not really care that you have no money/job/hope. Like politicians here, they are interested in the following:

1. Getting power.
2. Making money.
3. Getting on television.
4. Themselves.

(in no particular order)

It would take a politician with the grace of Gandhi, the charisma of Frank Sinatra and the political savvy of Machiavelli to make me believe otherwise.

Red or blue, it really doesn't matter on either side of the Atlantic- they are not interested in helping you. America and Britain will remain in Iraq being blown to bits. The poorest of society will remain so while the rich get richer. We will pay our taxes but the health service will get worse. We will pay local tax, but our pavements will get ever more broken up, our schools will continue to fall apart.

This is the way of the world. It really doesn't matter who you vote for because they're all the same. John Kerry is not the Second Coming (the first being another JFK who failed to really make that much of a difference). George W Bush will not make your life better. If you're unemployed in September, you'll probably still be unemployed in December (like me).

No matter who wins, there will be balloons and confetti and the promise of better things ahead. You'll only get the balloons and confetti.

The world will continue to turn. It is as it has always been.

In the meantime, how about we all try to stay pals? This is the time to stick together, not let things rent us all asunder.

Bollock. Not quite totally bollocks, but definitely at least one...

OK, so I finally managed to get onto one of the Sony people... lovely Irish people they are... anyway, it turns out that Sony Vaio do this thing where XP is on their recovery discs. The discs that have been sat a foot away from me all naffing weekend. I could've sorted this out days ago. I could've prevented World War Six and a Half. I could've had the fucking Sims 2 on a faster computer.

The world is an unfair place, my pretties.

And I woke up this morning to find a house with NO DIET COKE. NO COKE PRODUCTS OF ANY KIND. (although I think we have some tonic water by Schweppes, which is owned by Coke I think. Not the same at all). This means many things, not least that I am dying, nay dying of thirst, but that I'm also going to have to change out of my PJs, get dressed, put my shoes on and go buy some Coke. *dies*

I wouldn't mind ever so much, but I ended up eating chicken soup yesterday for dinner because we had nothing in the house not frozen solid that I like even at all... we seem to have run out. I mean, there was no pasta... my favourite sauce but no pasta to put on it. Meatballs, but no pasta. I ended up at half twelve watching Sharpe's Honour (still trying to give it a chance) eating cherry tomatoes on their own. The combination of little food and no Coke is going to play havoc with my very delicate system. I say delicate, I've actually got a stomach that's probably lined with asbestos, but it's a delicate system based on a fragile balance between Diet Coke, crisps and mortadella. Without those things, I don't know what will happen.

That said, this evening heralds the long-awaited return of *drumroll* NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS! Yes indeed, life will, at 9pm this evening, make sense once more. I know most of you have no idea what I'm going on about, that it is silly to be so emotionally involved with a quiz show... but this is no mere quiz show. This is a comedy pop quiz show hosted by my ideal of comedic perfection (aside from Ronnie Barker, obviously), Mark Lamarr. The return of the show means that, not only will my life be happy and contented once more, but that I will have NEW jokes to tell my adoring fans. After all, it's about 85% of my comedy output. Used to be more, but I've been striving hard for originality in recent years (Ambiwinkstrous being a prime example).

For those of you that do not know, have not seen, imagine this: Half an hour of comedy japery based around rock and pop music, the humiliation of idiotic or arrogant guests and the elevation in respect of intelligent and amusing guests. How we laughed when Bill Bailey fell over trying to moonwalk behind a desk... how we laughed when Dave fucking Hill from Slade made a total twat of himself... how we cackled at Bobby Davro not being funny... how we came to love DJ Sammy... how we came to realise that though mad and prog-rock, Fish (formerly of Marillion) is a funny, funny man.

More than that, thanks to Mastermind, University Challenge and after Buzzcocks, Room 101, I get two straight hours of genuinely good TV in one day every week now. That is what makes TV licenses worth paying for. That is what makes getting out of bed worth doing. That is what makes inventing telly in the first place worth doing.

And now I'm off to shower, dress and get some fucking Coke.

ETA: WEASELS!

Bollock. Not quite totally bollocks, but definitely at least one...

OK, so I finally managed to get onto one of the Sony people... lovely Irish people they are... anyway, it turns out that Sony Vaio do this thing where XP is on their recovery discs. The discs that have been sat a foot away from me all naffing weekend. I could've sorted this out days ago. I could've prevented World War Six and a Half. I could've had the fucking Sims 2 on a faster computer.

The world is an unfair place, my pretties.

And I woke up this morning to find a house with NO DIET COKE. NO COKE PRODUCTS OF ANY KIND. (although I think we have some tonic water by Schweppes, which is owned by Coke I think. Not the same at all). This means many things, not least that I am dying, nay dying of thirst, but that I'm also going to have to change out of my PJs, get dressed, put my shoes on and go buy some Coke. *dies*

I wouldn't mind ever so much, but I ended up eating chicken soup yesterday for dinner because we had nothing in the house not frozen solid that I like even at all... we seem to have run out. I mean, there was no pasta... my favourite sauce but no pasta to put on it. Meatballs, but no pasta. I ended up at half twelve watching Sharpe's Honour (still trying to give it a chance) eating cherry tomatoes on their own. The combination of little food and no Coke is going to play havoc with my very delicate system. I say delicate, I've actually got a stomach that's probably lined with asbestos, but it's a delicate system based on a fragile balance between Diet Coke, crisps and mortadella. Without those things, I don't know what will happen.

That said, this evening heralds the long-awaited return of *drumroll* NEVER MIND THE BUZZCOCKS! Yes indeed, life will, at 9pm this evening, make sense once more. I know most of you have no idea what I'm going on about, that it is silly to be so emotionally involved with a quiz show... but this is no mere quiz show. This is a comedy pop quiz show hosted by my ideal of comedic perfection (aside from Ronnie Barker, obviously), Mark Lamarr. The return of the show means that, not only will my life be happy and contented once more, but that I will have NEW jokes to tell my adoring fans. After all, it's about 85% of my comedy output. Used to be more, but I've been striving hard for originality in recent years (Ambiwinkstrous being a prime example).

For those of you that do not know, have not seen, imagine this: Half an hour of comedy japery based around rock and pop music, the humiliation of idiotic or arrogant guests and the elevation in respect of intelligent and amusing guests. How we laughed when Bill Bailey fell over trying to moonwalk behind a desk... how we laughed when Dave fucking Hill from Slade made a total twat of himself... how we cackled at Bobby Davro not being funny... how we came to love DJ Sammy... how we came to realise that though mad and prog-rock, Fish (formerly of Marillion) is a funny, funny man.

More than that, thanks to Mastermind, University Challenge and after Buzzcocks, Room 101, I get two straight hours of genuinely good TV in one day every week now. That is what makes TV licenses worth paying for. That is what makes getting out of bed worth doing. That is what makes inventing telly in the first place worth doing.

And now I'm off to shower, dress and get some fucking Coke.

ETA: WEASELS!