Still not well.

[apolla]

Went to the doctors. Apparently had gastroenteritis. Doctor does not know why I should feel like my heart is about to thud right out of my chest when my pulse is actually very slow. Said it's not necessarily to be worried about because it's a feeling that it's racing and thumping rather than actually racing and thumping.

Have been told not to drink tea or coffee or Diet Coke for the next week adn if I don't get better to go back and see him.

Anyway, thinking back on my post vis a vis the total bastards that consume my thoughts, I really think that it's their honesty that I adore. I mean, I've actually said to people that the thing about Errol Flynn is that he always lived by his own rules and was unapologetic about it. That's what I like about the guy.

In fact, the people on that list I like the least, the Elvis and McCartneys, are the ones who were not honest. For years and years Elvis sold himself as the acceptable face of rock and roll. I mean, this is the man who shook hands with Nixon about drug enforcement when he was taking tons of shit himself. As for The McCartney, he's been peddling himself as the squeaky clean purveyor of sugary love songs for years.

These are two people who beg us: "Love me! Love me!". John Lennon didn't want us to love him, Jim Morrison didn't care and well, Led Zeppelin just expected us to. That takes a great deal of confidence and guts, and I admire and respect it. So, like _lore  said, it's an ego thing. I'm a pretty arrogant sort of person, and so I admire people who don't care that they're arrogant. It's about honesty, right? The confidence to be yourself the way you want to be and to hell with everything else.

You know, sometimes it backfires. Errol ended up in court for living life by his rules, whether he knew those girls were 17 or not. Jim Morrison ended up in court for living life by his rules, whether he took his cock out onstage or not. The Establishment doesn't like honest people and likes honest people with their own set of rules even less.

So I suppose I love honesty, and I love those who are honest enough to be themselves, even if sometimes they're a little monstrous. They don't have to be perfect, just honest.

After all, my first true love was John Lennon, who said "Gimme some truth."

Comments

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

It sounds like maybe you've got a bit of panic disorder. *raises hand* The sensation of racing heartbeat is part of it. Oddly, I get the weirdest sensations as I lie down to go to bed. It's probably postural something or other. Or else my body wants to make me worried that I might die in my sleep.

[angiej.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

Feel better!

[apolla.livejournal.com]

Thanks matey- hope to chat over the weekend or something. :D

*hugs*

[lissannej.livejournal.com]

Hope you feel better soon, Clare! *hugs*

[apolla.livejournal.com]

Thanks- and I send you similar sentiments, dear girl. *hugs back*