GRRRRRRRRRRR

[apolla]

Daniel 'Face Like A Block Of Granite' Craig Is To Play 007

Suffice to say that I am extremely dis-chuffed about this turn of events. It's not like it's unexpected, but fucking hell, this is the bloke who played third fiddle to Angelina Jolie's padded bra in Tomb Raider 1! Mind you, this has got me so naffed off that I'd be prepared to renege on my previous Bond-stance for the bloke in the second Tomb Raider picture...

I don't dislike Daniel Craig. He's a half-decent actor (although the last time a decent actor [Timothy Dalton] played Bond, nobody liked it) and I've liked some of his other stuff. But this is not the stuff Bond Dreams are made of. I'm not saying Bond has to be Teen!Cosmo cover material. I wouldn't want that, but is that someone's idea of a great Bond?

And they're talking about cutting down on gadgets and getting 'darker' and getting more into the character.

Firstly, I'm no geek that hates to see their beloved franchise mucked about with. I thought Die Another Day relied too much on referencing past glories and not enough on coming up with new ones. I was dangerous close to getting bored at some points during, which was a shocker. Even Moonraker isn't boring, if only because it's a great way to come up with better ways to destroy your own soul.

But you know, what do they mean 'more character'? Bond is a simple creature at heart. He likes fast cars, faster women, drinking, gambling and the occasional spot of violence. That is why we like him. He occasionally makes reference to having possessed emotion at some point in the past, but it's rare, fleeting and all the better for it. He has a great sense of duty towards his country, which is nice, but we all know he does this job because nobody else would pay him to shag and shoot at the same time. At least, nobody else would pay as well. And we all know he'd never leave Moneypenny!

Seriously, every single time they've tried to 'improve' Bond, the producers have come unstuck. Aussie!Bond and BondInSpace are the best examples of this, I reckon. The true key to Bond is keeping him much the same as he's ever been, but devising new and interesting scenarios and situations to throw him into. Having to hunt down an old pal in Goldeneye? That was brilliant. Got to save the world dressed as a clown? Not so much. Have to save the world from a madman intent on blowing up the world's financial centres with the cunning use of fish? Let me finish writing it first and then we'll see.

Honestly, I hope that this rant gets proved wrong. I love Bond, James Bond and you all know that. I don't want to come away from the next one feeling disillusioned or disheartened or bored. We love James Bond for what he is, not what people say is trendy these days. We don't want him to twat about like Vin Diesel in xXx or *snore* Jason Bourne.

But Daniel Craig? Seriously? The only way I'm getting over this is by repeating the following to myself: At least it's not Clive Owen. At least it's not Clive Owen.

And one last thing: Have the producers forgotten the real rule of casting Bond? Always pick a Celt. The Greatest, Connery is a Scotsman. The Violent One, Dalton, is Welsh. The Recent Popular One, Brosnan, is an Irishman. SERIOUSLY, GUYS! You can't get an Englishman to do it! They're either too dull (CLIVE OWEN) or too conflicted and deep. Fuck that. Get the Irish in! Somebody page Colin Farrell and have him on standby! *dies laughing* Or get Gerard Butler in. He's Scottish, rugged-scruffy beautiful, sexy as whatever. So what if it wrecks any future career he might want (Bond does that to a bloke)? I'm talking about the FUTURE OF THE ENTIRE BOND FRANCHISE!

Daniel Craig? Was that REALLY the best they could do?