apolla | Yesterday and Today... (Reply)

I was expecting yesterday to be like it was last year. For those of you who don't know or don't care, yesterday (29th November) was the second anniversary of the death of my hero George Harrison. I've said many times what happened the day I heard- the swift change into black clothes, the mooching around sadly and bottling up for an entire day, the buying of a hat (black). I could tell you about last year too: the mooching around sadly and bottling up for an entire day, the buying of earrings (Apparently it's totally the day to get accessories for me). Last year I was also desperately sad that I hadn't managed to get tickets to the Concert for George down at the Royal Albert Hall, so I was also depressed to be in Lancaster at all.

Yesterday was not so bad. In fact, it wasn't until part of the way through the day that I remembered what the date was- this is more to do with me being a total fool who never knows what day of the week it is, I think. But even then, the crushing sadness of the previous two Novembers wasn't quite there. Perhaps it's because I actively avoided watching my Concert for George DVD yesterday. Perhaps it's because I watched the Great Escape which despite the tragic end always leaves me with a sense of pride and hope in humanity and which is simply a wonderful film.

I also think that time heals all wounds and such- especially when they are the relatively superficial wounds of a fan. I don't mean that fans don't care about their heroes- I'd be the last to say so. That said, as much as we loved and love George, there are people who loved him as a father, husband, best friend, brother and so on. These are the people who knew him best and so loved him best. Does that make the pain I felt and still do feel any less? Not really, but it does put it into perspective. You see, as long as we listen to the Beatles and to George, as long as we still care, as long as we think of him, he isn't really gone. It's like that remark I once heard about when someone heard that Duke Ellington had died that, as long as the music lives on, we don't really have to acknowledge his death at all. So I am sad and my heart did die a little two years ago yesterday, but for me I am lucky. Heroes don't really die, they just change address.

I do love George Harrison. He is my hero, he is in my heart and soul and he was a truly great man of rock and roll. He was a beautiful, if imperfect, human being (aren't we all) who even managed to overcome being a Beatle (I'll admit not totally). George Harrison was the kind of man who had the respect of other rock and roll heroes, which is to me one of the greatest compliments I can pay him. I still want to be a great rock and roll hero like him, but the mere mention of his name no longer makes me pause with sadness. So my dear George, I salute thee and hope that the house band in heaven is all I hope it is. Just tell God he doesn't need anyone new for it for a long time, OK?

Also, the Big Read on BBC2 finally got to GoF last night. I was interested to see if there'd be any shipping involved in the Case For... so I watched despite the pretty shite case laid out by former Cold Feet star Fay Ripley. Basically she really loves the book, big whoop. I personally think that PoA is better from a, like, literary POV but that might just be me. Anyway, she managed to mention the ball and Harry's adolescence not only without not mentioning any R/Hr but without even naming Harry's crush! How much were they trying to dodge the whole ship debate, hmm? And then she says that there's a death of a major character. Now, I have actually read all these books, and I have to ask how major a character Cedric ever really was. I've always felt he was very much a minor character and that it was his death that made him more of a major character. But what do I know, huh?

In other news, I got to see the Eastenders omnibus today which was nice, cos lots of interesting stuff happened this week and I didn't see it. Den finally got his revenge on Phil Mitchell, which was a glorious, triumphant moment, not just because Dirty Den Watts is one of the greatest creations in British soap history, but because I have always hated Phil Mitchell (along with most of the people in the show!) and his comeuppeance was a great, beautiful thing to behold. Why am I telling you this? Because there was a fab moment I found hilarious.

Den and his son Dennis were driving away from their successful scheme. Now, Den 'died' 14 years ago and has just come back to the Square. He never knew about his son but his daughters Sharon and Vicki traced 20-something Dennis down and before Den came back they were a nice little family unit (albeit with some sort-of-incest between Shaz and Dennis, but that's a sidebar). Den came back and has been quite cold towards his son cos he didn't know him etc etc. They're driving back from the set-up and there's a lovely moment between them. Den tells Dennis he did a good job and made some mention of 'you're me son, aintcha?' and Dennis gets this lovely look on his face to say 'the old man accepts me! It's great!'.

See, the moral of the story is: You can have father-son bonding moments driving back from a factory robbery that's set up your arch-enemy. Don't say you can't learn anything from soaps!

Random moment: I'm actually really warming to the Darkness. I mean, I'm not like listening to them incessantly or anything (unlike a band that will remain nameless but featured two session musicians and two blokes from the Midlands), but I think I'm definitely warming to them. I saw a bit about them on the badly titled All New Top of the Pops when it was repeated at like 2.30am and I'm perhaps warming to them. Listening to new music, me? Had to happen sometime, I suppose.

I just tried to call home. I must've sat letting the phone ring for about five minutes before it dawned in my tiny fucking pea brain that me mum and dad have gone to visit my brother at university. I'm such a bloody eejit sometimes, I swear.

POTC IS OUT ON DVD TOMORROW! Expect 'savvy' to re-enter my vocab on a big way again like it did when I was a real Only Fools and Horses fan.