apolla | Kingdom of Heaven (Reply)

I'm going to run the gauntlet here and say that not only have I not seen some film about some wizardy boy, I'm going to talk about a totally different one.

I saw Kingdom of Heaven on Saturday. I've been putting it off because honestly, there really hasn't ever been a remotely decent Crusades movie made in Hollywood. Not a single one.

But then again, there is Kingdom of Heaven. In terms of great moviemaking I doubt it will rank up there with any godfathers or redemptions, but it was a thoroughly decent film.

My first thought during the beginning came when I saw Spike from Coronation Street digging a grave. "Auntie Emily!" shrieked I. And then... Orlando Bloom blacksmithing.

"Are we watching the right fucking movie?" I asked. "Where's Captain Jack?"

"Be quiet!" says my dad.

After that, it got a lot better. Now don't get me wrong, Orlando Bloom can't hold a movie on his own. Without the likes of Liam Neeson (who rarely lives through his films, I've noticed), Brendan Gleeson, Jeremy Irons and even Ed Norton behind that mask, this would've been a bad film. He doesn't have that thing, that indefinable gravitas to pull off the Obligatory Pre-Battle Rousing Speech convincingly...

but having finally seen him not mooning over Keira Knightley or spouting idiotic crap written by someone who seems to be a dyslexic nine-year-old in whatever nonsense film... I can tell you that the boy can act. Maybe when he's less pretty, he'll be as great as The Neeson, if not as tall.

It was good and enjoyable. It wasn't overly anti-anyone and if not sparkling, the script at least had the sense of having been written by someone who has passed an English exam and read at least half a chapter of a book on the Crusades.

Isn't that a rarity these days?