A Big Day

Today, I made what might seem to the outside world a small, meaningless decision. To me, it may prove a ticket through hell and something to force a change to the entire fabric of my life.

I decided this morning that I would stop ingesting aspartame. Yes, that's right. My life will be rent apart by an artificial sweetener.

Except that it isn't just a sweetener, is it? It never has been. For me, this decision represents something that might turn out to be real cold turkey, depending on how bad the withdrawal turns out to be.

It means I've got to give up Diet Coke. All day I've been trying to remember when I started drinking a lot of it, but I can't, not really. I remember drinking cans of Pepsi to help me sleep when I was at school. Didn't really work. I remember lying to teachers to get to the corner shop early to buy Diet Coke in Sixth Form. In fact, that's when I started drinking a lot of it... although I was drinking as much as I could get away with long, long before that.

I estimate, given that I'm now twenty-four, that I've been drinking it anywhere between fifteen and eighteen years. Ten years' worth of what I imagine is defined as 'a lot'.

Aspartame apparently can change your personality. So my question is, what is my personality without it?

The last time I went more than a few days without it was last year. I had gastroenteritis and couldn't drink even if I wanted to.

We all have our poisons. This was mine. Except that, if the anti-aspartame brigade are even half right, then my poison really IS poison. If even half the list of stuff it does to you is true, then it's evil. I read somewhere it described as 'chemical warfare agent' and I can't see that they're totally wrong.

I've always known it was bad for me, honest I have... All that stuff about it not even being approved by the FDA until Reagan got his mates in because his other mates owned the stuff... I've always known the brain cancer risk, but somehow I didn't entirely care until yesterday, when I read the wikipedia page linked above.

Now, it occurs to me, being a level-headed sort of creature, that this seems to be an emotive subject. One is either for or against and thoroughly so. IT'S SAFE or IT'S EVIL! are the only opinions that seem to be getting heard. The research either way seems, to my very unscientific mind, questionable.

The fact is, that the list of things it's supposed to do to you are things I am not willing to continue accepting, even if the people giving us the lists are like fandom fanatics and not entirely to be trusted.

My mind is my own. I didn't mind the concept of brain cancer, but I will not go along with 'marked personality changes' or 'inability to think clearly'. Even the hair loss thing has been happening lately.

Yesterday, I drank a litre and a half of Coke while at work all the while, chomping down on Smints, which contain aspartame. And I was phasing in and out of my mind like you wouldn't believe. Moreso than normal- and yes, that was markedly more Diet Coke than usual.

The fact is, whether it's the root of all evil or not, I can live without aspartame. It may hurt. Most of the anti-aspartame sites I've seen go on about how addictive it is, how alcoholics say it was harder kicking aspartame than drank, how it might take 60 days or more to see a real change.

Well, I'm going to try, as of today, the 6th June 2006. I was always going to 'one of these days' but today is the day. I got through this one day feeling fuzzy, but that might be staying up talking to Eb last night.

I'm going to try and I want to succeed, because unless I do I'll never be able to shout at Jim or Philo for being weak again. And you know I live for that.

I intend to quit this stuff. Evil or not, I can live without it, and I'm gonna. I may snaffle the occasional Regular Coke. I think I'd die if I cut out that AND caffeine at the same time. I'm only human after all.

Wish me luck. If there's more withdrawal, you can be sure I'll tell you. One day down, fifty nine to go.

Good night.

A Big Day

Today, I made what might seem to the outside world a small, meaningless decision. To me, it may prove a ticket through hell and something to force a change to the entire fabric of my life.

I decided this morning that I would stop ingesting aspartame. Yes, that's right. My life will be rent apart by an artificial sweetener.

Except that it isn't just a sweetener, is it? It never has been. For me, this decision represents something that might turn out to be real cold turkey, depending on how bad the withdrawal turns out to be.

It means I've got to give up Diet Coke. All day I've been trying to remember when I started drinking a lot of it, but I can't, not really. I remember drinking cans of Pepsi to help me sleep when I was at school. Didn't really work. I remember lying to teachers to get to the corner shop early to buy Diet Coke in Sixth Form. In fact, that's when I started drinking a lot of it... although I was drinking as much as I could get away with long, long before that.

I estimate, given that I'm now twenty-four, that I've been drinking it anywhere between fifteen and eighteen years. Ten years' worth of what I imagine is defined as 'a lot'.

Aspartame apparently can change your personality. So my question is, what is my personality without it?

The last time I went more than a few days without it was last year. I had gastroenteritis and couldn't drink even if I wanted to.

We all have our poisons. This was mine. Except that, if the anti-aspartame brigade are even half right, then my poison really IS poison. If even half the list of stuff it does to you is true, then it's evil. I read somewhere it described as 'chemical warfare agent' and I can't see that they're totally wrong.

I've always known it was bad for me, honest I have... All that stuff about it not even being approved by the FDA until Reagan got his mates in because his other mates owned the stuff... I've always known the brain cancer risk, but somehow I didn't entirely care until yesterday, when I read the wikipedia page linked above.

Now, it occurs to me, being a level-headed sort of creature, that this seems to be an emotive subject. One is either for or against and thoroughly so. IT'S SAFE or IT'S EVIL! are the only opinions that seem to be getting heard. The research either way seems, to my very unscientific mind, questionable.

The fact is, that the list of things it's supposed to do to you are things I am not willing to continue accepting, even if the people giving us the lists are like fandom fanatics and not entirely to be trusted.

My mind is my own. I didn't mind the concept of brain cancer, but I will not go along with 'marked personality changes' or 'inability to think clearly'. Even the hair loss thing has been happening lately.

Yesterday, I drank a litre and a half of Coke while at work all the while, chomping down on Smints, which contain aspartame. And I was phasing in and out of my mind like you wouldn't believe. Moreso than normal- and yes, that was markedly more Diet Coke than usual.

The fact is, whether it's the root of all evil or not, I can live without aspartame. It may hurt. Most of the anti-aspartame sites I've seen go on about how addictive it is, how alcoholics say it was harder kicking aspartame than drank, how it might take 60 days or more to see a real change.

Well, I'm going to try, as of today, the 6th June 2006. I was always going to 'one of these days' but today is the day. I got through this one day feeling fuzzy, but that might be staying up talking to Eb last night.

I'm going to try and I want to succeed, because unless I do I'll never be able to shout at Jim or Philo for being weak again. And you know I live for that.

I intend to quit this stuff. Evil or not, I can live without it, and I'm gonna. I may snaffle the occasional Regular Coke. I think I'd die if I cut out that AND caffeine at the same time. I'm only human after all.

Wish me luck. If there's more withdrawal, you can be sure I'll tell you. One day down, fifty nine to go.

Good night.