(no subject)

My guitar playing barely scrapes 'perfunctory'. I mean, I can play arpeggio chords. I can strum them if I'm not required to come up with actual rhythm. Anything more completely eludes me unless it's written down in music and classical. And if I learned it ten years ago.

I can't write music. I can't write melodies, I can't write riffs. I can't even put together a half-decent chord sequence. I can just about steal someone else's chord sequence, but even then I can't sing a new melody over it. It was great to hear The Boys Are Back In Town regurgitated from my own brain but without the inherent joy and lyrical greatness of the original.

I have no music in my head. I cannot create it from scratch. Even if I could, I couldn't play it because I can't play the fucking guitar unless you're happy to hear Am D G arpeggiated over and over again. I might manage a Bm if you're very nice.

So why the fuck do I continue with the illusion that I could ever rule the world? I can't do it at all, let alone well. Has everyone just been humouring me, waiting for me to give it up on my own? Because that was never going to happen. I was meant to do this, wasn't I?

But how can I, when there's no music in my fucking soul? I think it must always been like this- I had to steal one of George Harrison's obscurer melodies to kick start something at school. Everyone said it was dead catchy. Course it was- it was written by a genius.

I'm a fucking fraud, it turns out. I'm no more a musician than Jessica Simpson is a musician.

Right, I'm ready to die.

(no subject)

My guitar playing barely scrapes 'perfunctory'. I mean, I can play arpeggio chords. I can strum them if I'm not required to come up with actual rhythm. Anything more completely eludes me unless it's written down in music and classical. And if I learned it ten years ago.

I can't write music. I can't write melodies, I can't write riffs. I can't even put together a half-decent chord sequence. I can just about steal someone else's chord sequence, but even then I can't sing a new melody over it. It was great to hear The Boys Are Back In Town regurgitated from my own brain but without the inherent joy and lyrical greatness of the original.

I have no music in my head. I cannot create it from scratch. Even if I could, I couldn't play it because I can't play the fucking guitar unless you're happy to hear Am D G arpeggiated over and over again. I might manage a Bm if you're very nice.

So why the fuck do I continue with the illusion that I could ever rule the world? I can't do it at all, let alone well. Has everyone just been humouring me, waiting for me to give it up on my own? Because that was never going to happen. I was meant to do this, wasn't I?

But how can I, when there's no music in my fucking soul? I think it must always been like this- I had to steal one of George Harrison's obscurer melodies to kick start something at school. Everyone said it was dead catchy. Course it was- it was written by a genius.

I'm a fucking fraud, it turns out. I'm no more a musician than Jessica Simpson is a musician.

Right, I'm ready to die.