Hey Mr DJ...

Considering that a show called The 100 Greatest Singles was just on telly, can you imagine the theme of this post?

Strangely, I'm not going to rant about the position of particular songs on the chart because I put no faith in 'as voted for by you!' polls because I've found that people are incredibly stupid when voting in large groups. Or just incredibly stupid.

Something else occurred to me while watching Steve Harley singing 'Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me)'. And it is this:

Why did the 50s/60s/70s get much prettier, much sexier, much more talented rock stars? Seriously, even Pat Boone was sexier than Justin Trousersnake and Robbie Williams! (Pat Boone, of whom Dean Martin said 'I shook his hand and my whole right side sobered up') Simply put: It is not even remotely fair that the girls of the 1960s got their pick of all four Beatles, a whole bunch of Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan for the politically minded chick and Jim Morrison for the poetically inclined. These guys were beautiful and could fucking play. Hell, maybe that's why they're beautiful. And that's just the big names.

There was something for everyone in the 1970s. Like your blokes androgynous? Well, you can have David Bowie, who in his deepest red-haired, no eyebrows 'I'm Gay!' era was so much more masculine than the absurdly arrogant, over-tattooed Robbie Williams. Or if you like there's Mick Jagger in his possibly shagging Bowie-era, or even Queen Freddie. For those of you who like your musicians looking incongrously angelic, there's Jimmy Page, or glittery fool Marc Bolan. For the huge majority who just want their musicians to look eminently shaggable, there's a whole genre-full from Robert Plant to Phil Lynott. Lest we forget 'lesser' names like the insanely pretty Steve Harley and the criminally beautiful Thin Lizzy guitarist Scott Gorham. I'd like to add some punk names, but I don't think there were any pretty punks, unless you count Iggy Pop. And unless you find Iggy Pop to be attractive. And these are the names that leap straight to mind! There are countless other specimens of great masculine beauty and musical talent to be found in the pre-1980 musical landscape.

As you know, I consider the cut-off point to be 1980 for pretty much everything in the universe. But let us consider the evidence. In the 80s, we had the lace covered New Romantics, who were as unpretty as they were shite at music. Come on, is Simon Le Bon really anyone's idea of attractive? (Yasmin doesn't count, she's clearly insane)? The Kemp brothers? Tony Hadley? In the 90s, well Kurt Cobain was far too fragile and grubby to be pretty, although not without charm. Then of course, there's Blur and Oasis- ugly gits all. And don't get me started on boy bands. It was OK in the 60s and 70s to have your Monkees and your David Cassidys and Osmonds because there was an alternative (see above). But Justin Timberlake, for all his boasting might as well be a bloody eunuch for all the sexuality he exudes. And as soullessly 'attractive' as these people might be, they lack the one real element that made all those other guys so very beautiful, so very attractive, which is a talent for music that made girls throw themselves at them. You think Mick Jagger or even cute little Keith Richards would've got girls without it? Boybands might be sickeningly easy on the eye, but they do not make us fall in love with them. Someone like Jimmy Page could make an arena full of women fall quite genuinely in love with one riff.

Yes, the Jimmy Pages and Jim Morrisons and David Bowies of the world probably would've drawn birds to them like moths anyway... but not to the same extent and not with the same fervent love that survives death (Jim), heroin and the 80s (Page) and Tin Machine (Bowie).

Can I just say: Stand By Me is one of the most achingly beautiful songs I have ever heard, whether it's Ben E. King singing it or John Lennon. Isn't it strange how quite uplifting songs can make one want to sob? I don't mean songs that make me cry because of who is singing or context (Imagine and Bo Rhap are the two best examples of this phenom) but songs that make me want to cry because they're so beautiful. See? It's ultimately the music that makes us care, not pretty faces or fashionable hair/clothes/moisturiser. We fall in love with the music first, the people who made it second.

And for the record, the top three of the 100 Singles:

3. Hey Jude by some band called the Beatles. A good choice. Both melancholy and rousing.
2. Bohemian Rhapsody by my most beloved Queen.Say no more, Scaramouche.
1. Imagine by John Lennon.Simply put: As it should be.

Life is, as they say, good. My faith hath been restored. Until the next crappy poll.

Hey Mr DJ...

Considering that a show called The 100 Greatest Singles was just on telly, can you imagine the theme of this post?

Strangely, I'm not going to rant about the position of particular songs on the chart because I put no faith in 'as voted for by you!' polls because I've found that people are incredibly stupid when voting in large groups. Or just incredibly stupid.

Something else occurred to me while watching Steve Harley singing 'Make Me Smile (Come Up and See Me)'. And it is this:

Why did the 50s/60s/70s get much prettier, much sexier, much more talented rock stars? Seriously, even Pat Boone was sexier than Justin Trousersnake and Robbie Williams! (Pat Boone, of whom Dean Martin said 'I shook his hand and my whole right side sobered up') Simply put: It is not even remotely fair that the girls of the 1960s got their pick of all four Beatles, a whole bunch of Rolling Stones, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan for the politically minded chick and Jim Morrison for the poetically inclined. These guys were beautiful and could fucking play. Hell, maybe that's why they're beautiful. And that's just the big names.

There was something for everyone in the 1970s. Like your blokes androgynous? Well, you can have David Bowie, who in his deepest red-haired, no eyebrows 'I'm Gay!' era was so much more masculine than the absurdly arrogant, over-tattooed Robbie Williams. Or if you like there's Mick Jagger in his possibly shagging Bowie-era, or even Queen Freddie. For those of you who like your musicians looking incongrously angelic, there's Jimmy Page, or glittery fool Marc Bolan. For the huge majority who just want their musicians to look eminently shaggable, there's a whole genre-full from Robert Plant to Phil Lynott. Lest we forget 'lesser' names like the insanely pretty Steve Harley and the criminally beautiful Thin Lizzy guitarist Scott Gorham. I'd like to add some punk names, but I don't think there were any pretty punks, unless you count Iggy Pop. And unless you find Iggy Pop to be attractive. And these are the names that leap straight to mind! There are countless other specimens of great masculine beauty and musical talent to be found in the pre-1980 musical landscape.

As you know, I consider the cut-off point to be 1980 for pretty much everything in the universe. But let us consider the evidence. In the 80s, we had the lace covered New Romantics, who were as unpretty as they were shite at music. Come on, is Simon Le Bon really anyone's idea of attractive? (Yasmin doesn't count, she's clearly insane)? The Kemp brothers? Tony Hadley? In the 90s, well Kurt Cobain was far too fragile and grubby to be pretty, although not without charm. Then of course, there's Blur and Oasis- ugly gits all. And don't get me started on boy bands. It was OK in the 60s and 70s to have your Monkees and your David Cassidys and Osmonds because there was an alternative (see above). But Justin Timberlake, for all his boasting might as well be a bloody eunuch for all the sexuality he exudes. And as soullessly 'attractive' as these people might be, they lack the one real element that made all those other guys so very beautiful, so very attractive, which is a talent for music that made girls throw themselves at them. You think Mick Jagger or even cute little Keith Richards would've got girls without it? Boybands might be sickeningly easy on the eye, but they do not make us fall in love with them. Someone like Jimmy Page could make an arena full of women fall quite genuinely in love with one riff.

Yes, the Jimmy Pages and Jim Morrisons and David Bowies of the world probably would've drawn birds to them like moths anyway... but not to the same extent and not with the same fervent love that survives death (Jim), heroin and the 80s (Page) and Tin Machine (Bowie).

Can I just say: Stand By Me is one of the most achingly beautiful songs I have ever heard, whether it's Ben E. King singing it or John Lennon. Isn't it strange how quite uplifting songs can make one want to sob? I don't mean songs that make me cry because of who is singing or context (Imagine and Bo Rhap are the two best examples of this phenom) but songs that make me want to cry because they're so beautiful. See? It's ultimately the music that makes us care, not pretty faces or fashionable hair/clothes/moisturiser. We fall in love with the music first, the people who made it second.

And for the record, the top three of the 100 Singles:

3. Hey Jude by some band called the Beatles. A good choice. Both melancholy and rousing.
2. Bohemian Rhapsody by my most beloved Queen.Say no more, Scaramouche.
1. Imagine by John Lennon.Simply put: As it should be.

Life is, as they say, good. My faith hath been restored. Until the next crappy poll.